believer(:

2012-02-26T22:06:00.001+08:00

That sad feeling you get
at the bottom of your stomach
at the core of you being
when you see someone you love grow so
distant.

And you ask if there was a time
where you were once so close, practically attached at the hip?
And now life, life has pulled us apart
The distance will only get longer
the gap even wider
but me?
I will never be ready.

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Too fast

2012-02-16T20:49:00.000+08:00

Didn't go to school today cuz i felt sick ystd. Had a fever+wanted to throw up and generally lethargic so yeeaah. I feel a lot better now though!!!

Time seems to be passing too damn fast, yet slow at the same time. Do i make sense? Like on a more myopic point of view, sometimes lessons seem to go on and on forever and days in school seem to be so long, but then all of a sudden BAM it's common tests. plus it's my last common test on MG ever. But then if i think about sec 3, CTs seemed to come "faster" than now?! Do i even make sense.

Ok point is. I think ok commons are coming but then after that what?! There's mid years. And then prelims. And then O levels. And to be honest though i know this year is going to be anything but easy i wish that time would slow down sometimes. Seeing all the seniors going to JC and such and how I have to face that next year?! I hardly think i'm ready. Not just being old and everything but also being separated from my friends and aaahhh idk how to interact with boys i mean I AM SUCH A BIMBO OMG. Ok really not my point here.

Mainly, I'm scared. I have such high aims for myself and while some days i feel like i can do it, other days i feel like i've lost control and that maybe i can't do it in the end. I think about how much I will have to study and i get scared. I honestly can't rmb my sec 3 work.....sighhh. And it doesn't help that i feel the need to be on top like ON TOP TOP of things all the time and then i will think and think and get panicky and such. Shit la how on earth can i do my O levels like this.

This is a rather incoherent and shitty post aiyah. And currently i am regretting slightly my decision to do full hist:'( WILL REMEMBER MRS NG'S WORDS JEREMIAH 12:5 JEREMIAH 12:5

2012-02-06T21:12:00.000+08:00

I am such a mean person sometimes:(

REALLY OK

I BITCH ABOUT PEOPLE TOO MUCH

AND I HATE THEM TOO. Or at least i say i do but hate is such a strong word and i don't need to hate!!!!! Been feeling v guilty somehow. think god's trying to tell me smth:(

Is this the end of the road?

Am I a good friend?

2012-01-31T22:03:00.000+08:00

I can't offer you comfort
I can't give you a solution
I can't take your pain away
I can't make you see that you matter
I can't tell you how much meaning there is in your life
I can't offer you a shoulder to cry on
I can't say the right things
I can't make this go away.

So many things that I cannot do for you.

For the seven years that I've known you, not once have i seen you like this. I always thought that I was a great friend to you at least-i try my hardest and i put in my best to be a good friend to you. I've always been there for you to rant to, to complain to, for every step you've taken, be it forward or back, I've been with you and i've gone where you have. I've grown up with you and I've shared the same experiences as you have. There are so many ways in which we are different, yet in the expect of life and it's experiences we have been pretty much the same.

I've always been able to say "I know how you feel."

It's different this time. I have no clue how you feel or what you feel or why you feel this way. I cannot offer you comfort, and i definitely cannot offer you any advice. After all, the most i can tell you is I love you and I will be here for you and I need you please don't let me lose you-->a selfish thought?

I cannot solve the problem.

I worry for your life sometimes. Everyday i look forward to seeing you yes, but now i look out for signs-has she been hurting herself? Does she look okay? honest, embarrassing thoughts but the truth. When you don't come to school I worry about what you might do to yourself when you're at home. I can't tell you that i'm going insane because you don't need another problem. You don't need an insane person like me to add to your burdens.

What happened along the way? Why? Were there obvious signs that I should have picked up? Obvious signs that could have saved you from what you are today? Why on earth have i missed them?!?!?!

I cannot move forward without you. Even if my life is together and I know what I want and things are fine for me, i will never and i mean NEVER be able to go anywhere emotionally, physically, spiritually, without you.

Hence, i'm really not a good friend at all. Not even to you but to everyone else. All i say are things that don't help the problem, a small thing causes me to worry so much, I read into everything, I monitor you(out of concern i swear), wow it must be troublesome being my friend.

Lord, why have you forsaken my best friend?

2012-01-17T22:28:00.001+08:00

Friendship is a commitment that most people overlook. Most time when you relate commitment to a relationship the typical romantic relationship comes to mind.

But i think that being someone's friend, someone's bestestestest friend is a hugeass commitment. One that i'm definitely willing to take up. More than willing in fact. But there are times when it gets so hard.

Not the friend part of it, no, i've gotten past that. The inability to help your best friend? When you've been able to be with her and helo her with practically everything in your lives? Compare that to being chained to the ground as you watch your parents/relatives/etc drown.

Sinking, steadily and gasping for air. Trying to swim back but not beinf able to. Worse still, giving up on being rescued, and succumbing to just suffering, sinking, struggling to even breathe. So what if i was a good swimmer, or even the best?

So what if i have my life together and things were all smooth for me? I'm always going to be chained to the ground watching you as you struggle. I've realised that helplessness, not imcompetency, is the worst kind of way to feel.

No don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about you nor am I lamenting about the woes of being your friend, I am merely worried to the point of i don't know what-I am so afraid I'll lose you. Right in front of my very eyes.

Yes, I am selfish but i NEED you and you're simply too much to lose. My rationaleb here is selfish i know, but the truth is the world wouldn't care about you, all except me so don't J have a right to be selfish???

Just please please please PLEASE be okay.

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First legit post of the year

2012-01-16T18:51:00.000+08:00

HELLOOOOO EVERYONE WE ARE HALFWAY THROUGH THE FIRST MONTH OF THE NEW YEAR!:O

Nothing interesting has been happening in my life la as usual. School started and it's been alright. Teachers have pretty much given us all a pep talk about being in sec 4 work hard etc etc but i think so far things have been bearable(: Esp since I have my lovely friends to keep me company. Missed them so much over the holidays.

HIGHLIGHTS:

1.Lunch with Bern and Sam on the first day of school

hurhur went to btp with them for laksa^^ Shit man the laksa is so good and also mango sago whoooo fat +44623874632

2.O level Chinese Results

THANK YOU GOD for my results. I was freaking out before that honestly and looking back for absolutely NOTHING AT ALL not even cuz of my result itself but cuz it was rather ridiculous to go so crazy over like 1 subj?! Can't imagine how I'd be next year when I get my results back for everything else. Faint sia. OMG our seniors did so well can. After seeing all the people going up on stage I'm even more motivated to work hard and get on that stage. I WANT TO BE THE TOP STUDENT OF 2013. Aim high and you will land on the stars(: Or smth like that la hahaha but really, I want to do so well soooooo badly.

3.Conducting Drama Auditions

hahah it was fun ok! esp the second round cuz this time a lot more people came. There were quite a few good sec ones, i was genuinely impressed. There were also some that were......................YAH LOL. But it feels nice to judge someone for once, instead of the other way round. Plus i also got to skip drama session which was good^^ tbh i don't like drama now after SYF, like the company but yeah that's about it really.

4.Surprise for Anna on her birthday!

hahah i created a whatsapp group called "anna's birthday surprise" lolz we had a surprise picnic for her with cake, muffins, and SAMOSAS!!!!! During English impromptu speech on superstitions anna mentioned the superstition that you can't give people clocks and was like "i would want a watch/clock!" SO DEN we decided we'd get her a watch budden no time so we MADE her one....out of lecture pad. HAHAHAH CRABBA IS BEST MAN.

5. Claire Gan's birthday party ^^

Had a fun time! The crepes were nice and Mulan(her dog) was damn cute. Highlight was karaoke-ing to one direction, taylor swift and ofcoz my baby JUSTIN BIEBER. Managed to catch up with Sabrina which was good. Hadn't seen/talked to her since she went to RG.

I have come to a realisation of why i hate people. ok not HATE la but dislike. I don't like them because they appear to be "perfect". Perfection is non-existent in our world, definitely, but people who appear to have it all, well, they're the definition of "perfect" in an imperfect world. If someone is pretty, skinny, smart, popular etc then i'd find every small and more often than not ILLOGICAL reason to not like her, when really I'm just so jealous. For example if ________ is dating a damn cute boy, then i'd be like DAMN ANGST about her and stalk her and pick on everything she says and go OOOOHHHH SLUT/BITCH. And i've decided that I'm going to be the bigger man and let everything gooooooooo. No point hating right!!!! SO YEAH GUYS PLS REMIND ME NOT TO ANGST ABOUT....CERTAIN PEOPLE.

I think I kinda appreciate the new lunch break implemented in school, even thouugh it means we end later everyday. Cuz then it's like a good stretching/walking around break for me, and walks are good cuz after that I can concentrate better. OH and speaking of school, there now is SCHOOL WIFI. We're supposed to use it to "help our learning" but i only use it in the morning for......twitter. HAHAHAHA.

ONE THING-ONE DIRECTION
I'm not a HARDCORE 1D fan for sure, but this song has been on replay/stuck in my head for days. I think the boys are cute la, and i like their songs cuz they're all so catchy! But we all know my heart belongs to Bieber<3 eh but if 1D is coming i will go lor. AND OMG JUSTIN IS RELEASING HIS BELIEVE WORLD TOUR DATES SOON. I know he came last year alr and there's a high chance he won't come again, but OMG i really hope he does. like HOPE HOPE HOPE. This time i'd go all out man, I'D CLAW EM' BITCHES FOR MEET AND GREET PASSES.

Today we had sec 4 chapel which felt abit weird cuz i'm used to having it with everyone else. Feels like they're separating the secfours alamak. AND i still can't believe I'm sec FOUR. Where on earth has the time gone to?!?!?!?!?! Plus i doubt my maturity level has increased proportionately to my age can.

OH GOD I MISS YOU SO MUCH

2012-01-07T14:34:00.001+08:00

How will I ever let you go?

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TREEEEEEESHA!

2011-12-27T00:02:00.001+08:00

Dear Tricia Ting ____ _____(cuz you don't like your cheena name ahahaha);

CONGRATULATIONS ON TURNING SWEET SIXTEEN!!!!!!! Finally you're older than me^^
I hope that you have a wonderful day today and that you enjoy yourself with whatever you're doing cuz it's your birthday and you must be happy x134792837!

I miss you super a lot and I wish I could pop up in front of you for real and give you a birthday hug(s), but sadly i can't ): heh. VIRTUAL HUG X 3721937128937 K(:

When i first met you, I guess I never expected to become that close to you. And tbh, I was scared of you before. Heheheh.(You can't blame me cuz I'm scared of so many people right) Perhaps I haven't known you for that long, or that well, but I don't think much of that is really important cuz Ily a lot already and there are already so many memories that I have of you. Like that awkward my mum+you+me+sarayu situation(HAHAHAHHA), you passing me notes during class to save me from boring SS, discussing about how you have a model face(^^), phonecalls with you(it's been a while blehhhhh), and of course that time when you comforted me aft SYF results. So thank you, for making me smile and for making me genuinely happy:D

I hope that you have a greeeaaaat year ahead k b. Even though i won't be seeing you often or even at all sigh. But don't worry, I won't forget you^^ &how you love Ashley Greene, MGG, Olivia Wilde, Dakota Fanning, etc etc, HOOHOO and of course ME. HAHAHAH.

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER<3

^
THAT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT. HAHAHAHA I HOPE U LIKE IT<3333

(ps, i did that in like what 30 mins whooo go bev for efficiency)

CHRISTMAS

2011-12-24T23:42:00.001+08:00

It's that time of the year again^^ i guess it's always bittersweet; on one hand i'm happy cuz of the festivities and presents and the company of my extended family and shiz, but on the other i am reminded that the year is coming to an end and i get an odd sense of nostalgia and perhaps sadness? I am never willing to let the year go, always anxious for the next.

It's like i'm all happy then akfbkee. 2012 is ready for me but am I ready for 2012???

Then there's that thing with you which I can't seem to forget. Also cu i keep clinging on to the past-.- I just refuse to accept that we are where we are today.

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My 2011

2011-12-21T15:27:00.001+08:00

I shall attempt to recall my 2011 with the help of my diary^^

January

#1 School started. At first i was really bummed about not being with Bern/Carolyn and trying to get into the flow of things, but i guess as time passed i realised that silly classes aren't gonna break CRABBA apart(':

#2 Orientation Day and Orientation Camp was a blast. AND I HAD A FAN CLUB WHOOOOOOOOO ok jk lah i didn't i think they all see me as their equal or smth ahahahha. Made new frenzxzxz and yeah had a great time^^

February

#1 CHINESE NEW YEAR!! My next fave holiday after christmas cuz what's better than food, money and new clothes??? HAHAH. And it's also the only time in the year when i can see my whole extended family. Not that i'm super close to them la, but i like seeing my cute distant cousin ella she is half angmoh and soooooo cute omg. PLUS i got to see my great grand uncle, impt to me cuz he reminds me of my grandfather.

#2 Learning Journey to Marina Barage with 3S(and for some reason Carolyn was there too). I have......no comment. Ahahah. I just rmb the amazing swiss rolls that Ms Lau got us heheh.

March

#1 JUSTIN DREW BIEBER'S 17TH BIRTHDAY<33333333

# Mg speech competition prelims and finals. Was really shocked that i got into the finals cuz everyone else there was a debater and i got really intimidated. I almost wanted to back out of the competition, but in the end i decided to be a man about it and went for it in the end. It was sucha great experience!(: Even though i didn't win. Felt that whole "going on stage super scared then go on stage happy" kinda feeling ahaha, and my friends were really supportive too<3

#2 BAND(AGE)! Went with all my fraaans and had a certain awkward encounter with someone. Shit, he's so cute.

oh and #3 Common Test 1 ahahahha no comment on that.

#4 ROCs fair and Parent Teacher meeting. My momma didn't see any teachers(YAAAAAY) and i was helping out with our stall. We made more money than we thought we would!!! And it was so nice hanging out with my class, I really love them so much<3

April
sidenote: April is an amazing month. cuz amazing people are born in that month.^^

#1 BIEBER CONTEST BY THE LEARNING LAB WHICH I WON WOWZA FLIPPED OUT WHEN THEY CALLED ME. Even if it was Cat B tickets but it was solved in the end will elaborate later

#2 SYF. Okay safe to say that that was one of the lowest points of this year. The disappointment never goes away, really. And it was just damn heartbreaking after working so hard. And i guess it kinda threw me off wanting to ever act again(if i even get the chance to la.)

#3 DJW! This years was very disappointing though:/ I mean, there was hardly any worship and i <3 the Worship parts.

#4JB NEVER SAY NEVER MOVIE OUT IN THEATRES^^

#5 Fusion, which i was supposed to go for but ended up not going heh.

#6 JUSTIN BIEBER'S CONCERT HOLY SHIT BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. Okay, so at first Bern and I only managed to get Cat C tickets, which were really far away. Then, i won the Biebz competition and thought i'd get damn good seats, but wonderful learning lab failed to tell me that it was on a first come first served basis, hence i got cat B tickets by the time i went to collect mine. Then after a lot of communicating and shiz, i managed to get Cat A tickets from Sarayu, which were at Row FIVE. Sold our Cat B and C tickets to fang, ron, fi and my brother who INSISTED on tagging along. I was nearly late on the night of the concert thanks to my mum, but when i got there i was just freaking out the whole way. Barn and I honestly went crazy and the OLLG was right in front of me omg she rejected Justin flirting with her like WTH BEEEEEEEEESH!!!!!!! ok sorry too intense. Aft the concert i was just so happy and in dreamland, even though i'd lost my voice from screaming. I LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER SO MUCH

#7 MY BIRTHDAY. Invited my fraaaans ovah for a bbq party and i got pushed into the pool-.- But all was fun so nothing else really mattersm right?^^

May

#1 Common test 2. Again no comment HAHAH.

#2 Lion King with the Drama people! Okay la i was with Treeeeeeeesha the whole time but idc cuz we hardly get to spend time tgt so anything's good^^ PLUS the musical was fantastic. I love the little boy acting in it he is so adorable I can't even-

#3 MG Open house. I got sabo-ed and then ditched so i was all alone at the very unhappening math booth-.- I slacked a lot though and was also running around with Treeeeesha ahahah. OH and Ms Ho also told me about the SL thing then. Shock x13231232131

#4 OBS!!!! I love my group can. Everyone was jealous cuz Anmol, Bern, Ashley, Me, Flik and Fang were tgt. I LOVE THAT MY BEST FRIENDS HAVE NAMES THAT START WITH LETTERS CLOSE TO EACH OTHER. I came back a lot tanner and i think i lost weight^^ Sea ex was the best, it started raining while we were on our land ex and we were damn gross but being so manly and macho we decided that though we could bathe that night we wouldn't, LIKE A BOSS.(Except wimpy anmol)

June
#1 RMUN. Everyone there was waaaaay outta my league in terms of intelligence. And also cuz we never did such through research so yeah, how to argue right. It was fun though, feeling professional and wearing a blazer and such. The D and D was supa unhappening though. Like it ended at 9??? How lame.

#2 IMUN. haha slacker's MUN i had a lot of fun(see that rhymes!). The D and D wasn't even really one, more like a concert. Aft that my council decided to go to the field and roll around. I didn't join in thank goodness. The St Marg's girls are really crazy lor.

#3 School started one week early for us): I rmb being damn busy lor. And also, after doing lots of thinking, I decided to take the SL thing up and thank god i did.

#4oh the fail MUN that we had for SS. HAHA it was damn fail and Mrs Raj got damn impressed cuz the Hist ES ppl went for MUN alr so we knew all the chim language and shiz. It was mostly us speaking/writing resos, everyone else was just like ..........

July

#1 Love MG, which i missed);

#2 Performing Arts Night. Okay it's amazing how we managed to pull it off cuz we only had like 2/3 rehearsals. And the sec fours were all not around, so we had to anyhow do our own makeup and shiz ahahah. Me and Ron fail ttm.

#3 RYC. Sooooo fun^^ MATHTROTDRAGON was the best shiz ever i tell you. Had so much fun with the train gang and such, eating and screaming at people and slipping(i fell on my butt bleh) and bitching about certain people. Shakee and I had to emcee for the last night and it got quite disastrous cuz one of the schools went MISSING so there were like super awkward pauses on stage.....:/

#4 FOUNDER'S DAY. Was damn extra and went to the dinner cuz bern had a table and no one seemed to be going so i just went. Free anw^^ I was like :O cuz the seniors looked soooooo nice in their dresses and shiz! Wonder how it'll turn out for me.

August

#1 Arts Appreciation. Wah the concert was so boring lor. Funny was Mr Liu bringing his wife and how cute they are as a couple, hahah.

#2 National Day!! So proud of the ND comm: Edlyn, Berenice, Tessa, Kristin, Anjali and I. Emceeing was really fun, esp the last part when we were singing ND songs and evveryone just came on stage to partay. And also, the whole event ran smoothly, perhaps even better than expected^^ Ms Lau was really nice to us too and gave the comm candy<3 Aft that it was some SL interaction tea thing? Idk hahah the food was good and so was the company^^

#3 Common test 3....didn't do as well as i wanted.):

#4 E learning aka party time

#5 Presidential elections! exciting.

September

#1 Teacher's Day celebration. The SL performance was da bombxxxx. Upset that our music was screwed up though, we all practiced damn hard la hahah. Had fun wearing shades and my biebz shirt<3 and also getting scolded by the super epic FABIAN

#2 September hols, which were spent prepping for exams

#3English EOY exam which was kinda hard

#4 SPA for Physics, Bio and Chem. Thinking about Bio breaks my heart

#5 HEART DISSECTION which was super super exciting. I didn't get grossed out, rather fascinated ahahaha reminds me of forensic shows like BONES(:

October

#1 EOY exams:/ I guess that disappointment is natural, and anyway it threw me into the whole "Why do you have such high expectations" kinda thing blahblahblah.

#2 LTC 2011. Enjoyed myself a lot and was reminded of LTC a year ago. Facillitating my group heliodor was great too^^ Even if they think I'm a complete bimbo, sigh thanks to Sam and such anyway. (Twirling my hair is an involuntary reflex tyvm)

#3 FUN FAIR! I was helping kids put on roller blades.....it was quite tiring and also dirty but i guess i had fun. Tried roller blading and failed terribly. Balance is not my thing. Aft that i went MIA cuz i was with Treeeeesha the whole time lol. CRABBA was not happy heh heh heh

November

#4 Back to school for intense Chinese O level prep.):):):

#5 CHINESE O LEVELS. Manageable but we'll just have to wait for the results eh.

#6 EASTERN EUROPE TRIP WHICH WAS THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE. Alr did a post on it so won't elaborate here.

December

Nothing very eventful has been going on this month cuz it's the holidays. I've been watching shows, going out with my parents, trying to do work, getting frustrated that i'm so slow, worrying about next year etc etc.

All in all, this year has been a good year for me. Looking back at this time last year, where 2011 seemed so scary and all, I realise that i was so silly to worry so much for nothing. In 2011, I learned that God will take you through everything, and that i am capable of more than what i think. I've learned that disappointments are hard, but make you stronger. I've learnt that good relationships are hard to come by. I've learnt that regardless of what happens, there is always a way out, and to quote Justin Bieber, "I know there's sunshine beyond that rain".

2012 is daunting. I won't lie. There is so much fear in me going into next year because I don't know how I am going to cope. I'm afraid of all the expectations and the stress(mostly from me) and I'm afraid that i won't get where I wanna be. But i know that as always, everything will pass, and that next year at this time, I'll find myself wondering why I was so scared in the first place.

Next year, i hope to become a stronger person. I also want to learn to treasure all my friends and the relationships i have with them, and last but not least, I want to learn to count on God and his guidance in every single step that i take.

ALL BY MYSELF

2011-12-09T16:51:00.001+08:00

This is the theme song of my life.
FOREVER ALONE WHINE WHINE WHINE SOB SOB SOB

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For the sake of it

2011-12-08T22:52:00.001+08:00

updates on my boring life:

#1 I've honestly been slacking so badly. Sure stuff's been done but not at the speed I'd like nor have i covered what i want to. Feels like I have MAJOR INERTIA I start work and it's like ............. ok back to slacking. yet on the other hand i think about next year and what i want to achieve then i start panicking. For nothing, may i add. I mean we're almost at the halfway point of December, I NEED TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER. which leads me to #2

#2 I am irrationally afraid of next year.Never really talked at length to anyone about it, and i doubt that anyone gets how scared i can be of such things. It's just that i so badly want to get my life right that i lose sight of the bigger picture, the larger purpose, and the fact that I do not know what is best for me, God does. Easy to say but I know I'm still fearful. I am afraid to disappoint and admittingly, I am afraid to fail. So many times I'm caught up in myself that i don't realise that i offend so many people when i "complain" that i didn't meet my goals. (sorry guise) Gotta take things into perspective and stop being so utterly self-absorbed.

#3 my dad went for some scan the other day. Mum said that the technician was really nice and reassured her that from the scan nothing was seriously wrong so ^^. Still dk if we still can travel during/aft Christmas though.

#4 I've been two timing......chem tutors. LOL haven't decided which one i want BUT the good news is that they think I'm not that weak, just "confused"^^ Think I'll go with the second one lah, ANMOL KAUR GILL'S TUTOR IS 85 AN HOUR aft some calculations i would pay her $6800 in total to push my chem up by 3 grades:O EXORBITANT MANZZZ

#5 Today smth damn pathos happened(wrong usage but BAM i can use chim words). So brother has tuition at btp at 1 and mother couldn't take him, so instructed maid to take him there in a cab and made me follow for "safety". Aft we dropped him and went home, I wanted to go to my uncle's house(he lives in the same estate as me) to play with my baby cousins. So happens that mother calls home cuz she wanted maid to cook porridge for her but couldn't get us cu we weren't home. She then calles my phone but my phone SO HAPPENED to have died. Tried calling my maid but her phone also SO HAPPENED to run out of batt. Mother panics and calls neighbour to ask if we're at home(to which she says we were not), mother calls brother frantically to ask if he knew our whereabouts(he didn't) SO SHE DRIVES TO THE TUITION CENTRE AND HAS A PANIC ATTACK. Likw really panic attack freak out she thought the cab got into an accident?!?! Then finally she calls my Uncle's maid who casually tells her that my maid and I had "just left the house". When mother got back got scolded big time to which my expression was like ._________. UNIVERSE, Y PLAY SUCH TRICKS ON ME?!?! So i go for tuition later ans the receptionist begins to talk to me and the conversation goes on to my mother being too protective/my lack of independance and such. SIGHHH i dont actually know how to react to this manzz

#6 If you get hurt, angry, confused, insecure but yet have such high points in a relationship, does it make it good or bad?

#7 couldn't sleep last night and had an INTEBSE whatsapp conversation with sarayu till 1:30 am. I'm talking everything in caps and all the ):< emojis HAHAHAH GOOD TIMES i finally went to sleep but woke up relatively early.......

#8 Songs that are good to run to:
Time bomb- all time low
Now or Never-hsm 3
The one that got away- katy perry
Latin girl-Justin Bieber(hehehe)
Toxic-Britney spears
Don't trust me-3oh!3
And most Ke$ha songs
ahahahaha that was lame

#9 I painted my nails yellow^^

#10 #9 was just so i can end on a nice number.

OK GOODBYE GUYS

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2011-12-04T22:37:00.001+08:00

That doesn't change anything.

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2011-11-30T23:47:00.001+08:00

Up till recently, I've never felt restricted.
Sure, I can't do whatever i want and I can't do many things. I can't go out as and when i want and my mum doesn't allow me to do tons of things. But all these struck me as "normal", if you get what I mean.
For a long time I felt restricted "normally". But now i realise that I've been living with restrictions that aren't normal. Or there are things that just aren't normal fullstop.

How many people have a pharmacy at home? Or have a medical encyclopaedia when no one's a doctor? Who knows the names of all sorts of meds by age 5? Whose house has notebooks with detailled medical records, some down to every single day?

Whose father always sleeps earlier than them? Whose family has been functioning in a state of fear for the past 11 years?

Not saying i'm the only one, but it has come to my attention that it isn't normal.

All along i've felt just like anyone else, but recently i've begun to feel trapped and restricted in my situation. It isn't even about the HK trip. Trapped by my mother and the need to be strong. I rmb when i fell ill; how some would call their parents and cry about how shit they feel and how much they wanted to go home, and I knew there was no way I could do that. I had to put all my energy into sounding okay, even if i was puking 2 days worth of food out. Even if i was scared of the lousy injection and miserable about missing out on a day's activities.

I remember everything tbh. I rmb going to the hospital a lot, and as far as I know you've never been in perfect health. Never thought of you as any less capable than other dads, but now i see

I am restricted
I am imprisoned
We all are.

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2011-11-25T23:02:00.001+08:00

And i still can't believe you won't be around. How i am to get used to missing you?

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Nostalgia

2011-11-25T22:50:00.001+08:00

So the secthree class lists are out.
I can't help but feel nostalgic; i remember this time last year-where my world would come crashing down when i found out bern and I would not be in the same class. When i was at LTC, and now one year on being a facillitator for one of the LTC groups.
Reminds me of how much has changed and how much has happened this year-from Orientation day and orientation camp to OBS to RYC to National Day and LTC again, not forgetting the little things that have happened to me, I really have so much to be thankful for. More importantly, I've learnt so much, made new friends, had new experiences, made memories.
The thought of next year scares me. With this month almost over and December approaching, there really is no way to run away from the daunting year of 2012.
Sometimes i wish that i could approach challenges with the "come at me, bro" attitude yknow? But most times i just feel so afraid. Secfour has always been smth so far away-i can't imagine being the one to have different chapels, spend loads of time in the hall(+ i hate taking exams in the hall), disappearing after the first half of the year, studying when everyone's partying, moving on-that's the hardest.
How am i to leave a place that i've been in for practically my whole life? How am i to be separated from my friends (again)?
And it doesn't help that my mother is well, my mother. I wish that i could just be like Misha Sohan and shut her up, but with disappointing results and spending my first legit week of the holidays watching pll, she's practically going crazy.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHH

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EASTERN EUROPE 2011

2011-11-22T23:46:00.000+08:00

I think that my life at present is complete after going on this trip^^ It was supaa amazing and fun and bloody amazing. I've always loved travelling i mean it kai kuos your shi ye HAHAHAH ok but it was just the best shit ever lah.

10 NOVEMBER 2011: THE FLIGHT

GG to us cuz there was alr "drama". Our flight was delayed by 40 minutes, which in itself isn't much of a problem, except that our transit time was 1h 10 min. With super tight security at Munich+immigration to clear, it seemed that we wouldn't make it on time and would have to miss out on the school visit): But thank God, the winds were in our flavour and the skillful(and probably hot) pilot landed on schedule, maybe even earlier:O

11 NOVEMBER 2011: BERLIN
The flight was actually alright, the 12ish hours past faster than i expected(mostly cuz i was sleeping). It was v weird cuz it was like 1pm sg time but it was DARK! Then we landed and boom it's morning very confusion for my bimbo brain ahahahaha

school visit to Romain-Rolland Oberschule
EH SHIT they have such a nice school can! I love that there are so many nice random wide spaces and it's not so crammed and like one classroom after another like in Singapore. And they have such a pretty track with beautiful scenery damn i'd love to run on that track(see i should just live there i'd be buff). They also have a cute little cafeteria that sells waffles and pretzels yummmm i didn't get any cuz it was too crowded ahaha "go in a few at a time don't overwhelm them". Went for a school tour and then sat in on an english class. LOL THAT THEY ALL THOUGHT WE WERE JAPANESE AND GREETED US WITH "KONNICHIWAAAAA". Spotted quite a few cuties:3 no pics stalkers, I take pictures with my eyes.

After that we had lunch!(: Okay one thing abt European food is that iz all really salty. Or maybe i'm just too asian lah aiyah. The soup was alright i guess, Anmol the persian princess had to feed Tanya the baby cuz she wasn't finishing fast enough and they couldn't serve the next course+we were rushing for time. We had sausages and "meatballs"-->cuz they really were friggin PORK CUTLETS.

Then we had the Berlin City Tour with our good-looking guide David. It was so interesting! We went to Checkpoint Charlie, saw what remains of the Berlin Wall, the ex-stasi(Nazi spy) headquarters, and went to the exact spot where East Berlin was separated from West Berlin! so kewlzzzzzxxxzz. Also went to the Stasi Museum which was guuuud cuz it was so cold that day. Like 1 degree celcius? Okay or rat her it was cuz we were acclimatizing or smth.

Headed to the Jewish memorial and the Brandenburg Gate!!! The Brandenburg gate looks so beautiful at night! There was a Turkish wedding going on OMG IT WAS DA BOMBZZZZZ errbody just got out on the street and started dancing and the weather was so nice and the scenery aaaahhhh i want to get married at the Brandenburg gate now(:
Okay can't rmb what or where we had dinner too tired to rmb hahah went to Holiday Inn Hotel with my roomie Edlyn and we just collapsed at abt 930pm(which really was like 530 am)

NOVEMBER 12: BERLIN/LEIPZIG
Went to visit the Reichstag in the morning!(: It was frickin amazing can. The weather was perfect! It was sunny but not hot, the sky was clear, it was just beautiful:3
Then we went to the Jewish Museum! Really wish we had more time there cuz it was so interesting. Lol i sound like a huge nerd but it's not nerdy cuz it was damn kewl made me like history and forget about how shit i am at it. It was really sad cuz the Jews were treated so horribly.):
For lunch we had this HUGE pork knuckle it really looked more like a head. Set of for Leipzig after that(or did we set off before lunch can't rmb hehheh). When we got to Leipzig we had dinner at this really nice cellar-ish, dimly litted restaurant. It was so nice and antique-ish cuz there was stuff like old typewriters there. I suck at photography so like cannot take nice photos aiyah. Dinner was this AMAZING LINGUINE. It was handmade i think? cuz the pasta was so smooth and delicious. Desert was this equally amazing chocolate and vanilla pudding aaaaaa.

There was this little "scare" we all got cuz there were a few kinda scaryish pictures in our hotel room. It's funny really, i guess we all got creeped out for nothing cuz after a while it isn't really that scary. Anyway, being scaredy cats Edlyn and I stuck a laundry bag on the picture. HAHAHAH.

13 NOVEMBER 2011: LEIPZIG
That day had the best weather of the entire trip. It was like 8/9 degrees, the sun was shining, the sky was so blue and everything looked so pretty. We went to the House of Schumann, and i got to play on the piano that he played on(i think). Well they made everyone who knew how to play the piano play so i just anyhow went to play canon hahah easy song 4 noobz. After that there was just this time where we camwhored outside with the beautiful falling leaves and omg it was the best. EVEN THE LEAVES IN EUROPE ARE NICE HAHAHA.

We then had a waling tour of the town and such. The architecture is breathtaking; all the buildings have this built in the idk what century feel and ughh it is so gorgeous. And with the perfect weather I think that was one of the best experiences of the trip^^ We then had lunch at the restaurant we had dinner at; sausages i think? Not bad la. I still like asian food hehehe.

After lunch we went to the Musuem of Musical Instruments. Idk why we only had half an hour there! All the instruments there were fascinating, and the church organ was like :O and there was this self-playing piano you just turn the dial and BAM you're playing some Motzart hahah. And our guide was nice(:

Annen we went to the St Thomas Church!!!! SO PRETTY CAN.
Dinner was soup, Pork Chop and Apple Strudel. I really don't want to go into detail about dinner because-well you'll find out.

NOVEMBER 14:LEIPZIG/PRAGUE
Start of all the drama.
I woke up at around 5am feeling like throwing up; thought it was nothing much. Didn't wanna wake Edlyn up budden I got worse so i did. She was v nice about it though, made tea for me:3 I did throw up and then i went for breakfast, still feeling kinda nauseous. Found out a few others were also feeling a little nauseous, and the 4 of us skipped devotions to rest in Christabel's room. I threw up again-.- Then i dragged myself to my room to grab my suitcase and vomitted otw to the lift. UGH I HATE VOMITTING IT'S HONESTLY DISGUSTING. I felt terrible so i sat out on all the day's activites and endured the 4 hour journey to prague, vomitting otw as well. Thanks for still being my friend and sitting next to me, Berenice(:
At night, they called in the doctor and more people had fallen sick. I quote Mrs Ng "I'm like a nurse opening a clinic everyone take queue number!' HAHA. I threw up the most budden i didn't actually look too sick, so i headed back to my room and had a shower before going back to the "clinic" since there was a long line. Poor edlyn had fallen ill too:/ Okay then the doctor INJECTED MY BUTT. I asked him if everyone got a shot and he went "no only you, you're special". so yeah i got a shot on my ass(well actually like my lower waist?) and damn it hurt. I vomitted green stuff(okay tmi sorry) and asked mrs chan "is the isotonic drink green" and she went "no you vomitted your bile"..........................

NOVEMBER 15: PRAGUE
Saddest day of the trip): I spent the whole day in my room sleeping and going to a clinic. Felt really blehh the whole time and also insanely tired for no reason. Was too tired to even eat and i still was throwing up so yeah.

NOVEMBER 16:JOURNEY TO KRAKOW
Thank God I was feeling a lot better^^ Ate my first proper meal in 2 days and it felt guuuuud. We set off for our 6 hour bus ride to krakow, Poland. The drive was good thanks to our amazing bus driver, Mr Mark. He is so cute and round and fat! hehehe. I LOOOOVE POLAND THE BEST(: And the hotel, novotel was THE BEST. The shower was so pro and there was a water kettle, the beds were springy, and the decoration was nice^^

NOVEMBER 17: AUSCHWITZ, BIRKENAU
We went to Aucschwitz and Birkenau, the concentration camps. It was a very emotional and impactful experience tbh. What creeped me out the most was the rooms full of just shoes and hair of the Jews and omg the way they treated them was terrible and unimaginable. Birkenau is actually really pretty, with the train tracks and everything. I stole a rock from the train tracks heh.
In the afternoon the mood changed drastically and we went to Galeria, only the largest mall in krakow. I was feeling shitty about missing out on shopping in prague SO I WENT ALL OUT AND INTENSE CHIONG AAAAHHHHHH bought lots of shiz and i felt damn shiok.
Dinner was guuuuuud too, finally smth that wasn't too salty/oily yet tasty enough. This was easily one of the best days of the trip.

NOVEMBER 18: KRAKOW
Last day of the trip SOBSOBSOB)':
Went for tour of the Jewish quarters in the morning. Our guide was actually quite cute, minus the weird hair. His eyes were <3

hamanahamana

2011-11-07T22:55:00.001+08:00

Three days left and i'm like that.
WELLL GG TO YOU BEV

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2011-11-03T22:26:00.001+08:00

I really do want to GO TO EUROPE. Absolutely cannot wait for Chinese Os to be over and for EUROPE to fasterly come. IM SO FRIKIN EXCITED AAAAAAHHHH
*
I wonder how i "decide" who my good buddiez are. How i see certain people as cool, others as not so; how out of the now 7 billion people in the world I found a group of people that I love and that I know love me too regardless. That accept me no matter what and who i can feel 100% comfortable with, who I know will always be there. And i know that it's God who put these beautiful and amazing people in my life.

But i really don't know why you're here. Not that i don't want you to be, but because it hurts to have you here- sure the past is the past and everyone makes mistakes, but looking back on everything i find it so hars to forget-not forgive. Simple things thrust me into that memory and it annoys me because i know that things were never cleared, and that is why i am constantly haunted and afraid of a repetition of past incidents. Conveniently sweep everything under the carpet. wish that one day you'd show up with an explanation.

More than anything i wish we could go back to last time; how did things tail off so quickly? How did we lose that spark without noticing. so many what ifs swimming in my head, done with blaming me and our differences, i'm tired of this crazy rollercoaster ride that goes really high and sinks really low

And i guess none of it matters in the near future or even now. Perhaps you're fleeting and gone in a second, perhaps i'm overthinking

Perhaps I want what you can't give

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proper post

2011-11-02T22:33:00.001+08:00

Ahahah realise i haven't posted properly for a while. Nothing very exciting's been happening in my life anyway.

Been going back to school for extra lessons, starting with 1h30min of chinese every morning. Not as bad as i thought lah. And anw, i need it. just get annoyed at the noisy ppl aldjoa nerd can get intense okay

Really hoping for an A1. mother will kill me if i don't get it. OKAY on to more exciting things i leave for europe VVVV soon too! I'm supaaaaa excited can; think excitement for china(which was quite a lot) x264929729738.

During bio ms lau told us we were "graduating from kindergarten to sec four" HAHAHA. but i feel quite ): about it cuz next year is so daunting. like, i see all the secfours having Os and shizz and i'm like omg you mean that's me next year aaaaaahhhhhh

And also, chem tutors are so difficult to find):< Mr Loh's little talk scared me and i really really need t improve at chem asap if not how 2 be top scorer and advertise for chicken essence you tell me ahaha i kid.

and you never quite understand, what it feels like to miss you even when you're here

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2011-10-30T22:32:00.001+08:00

There never is quite enough time

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2011-10-30T10:13:00.001+08:00

But it's worth it

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GAH

2011-10-27T23:03:00.003+08:00

I am never good enough.

My results will never be as good as Misha's. I will never as calm and steady as grass. I will never stop being so bimbotic. I will never stop losing and misplacing my things.

Tonight didn't start off very well with the embarrassing briefing and awkward conversations. Then when you looked through my report book, scrutinising every decimal place, every detail, using the calculator to punch in all the numbers; i felt like shit. All my hard work was reduced to just a few numbers on a sheet of paper. You didn't have to say it wasn't good enough. After all, actions speak louder than words.
Then when i misplaced smth you boiled it down to my "flippant, self-absorbed" attitude. Is it even correct to say that? Do you think i enjoy being such a scatterbrain?

You don't like that i chose to go he furthest away from you. You don't like that i value freedom more than anything else. But cage someone for so long, and what do you expect?

To me, it seems like everyone has a better attitude than me, they all care for their parents, value their things, and are polite. To me, i see myself as a bimbotic, uncaring and flippant girl who is always compared to others and who always falls short of expectations.

I wish i could be the daughter that you want me to be and that i'd feel like you don't constantly want me to change, but that has never happened.

I want to be independent and i want to feel trusted. I want to step out into the world and have a taste of it-raw, brutal,unprotected. I want to feel life out of my sheltered environment. For once, i'd like to feel in charge of my life and not always be so compliant- tuition means tuition, study means study. I'm sick and tired of living by your rules and i feel more and more suffocated each day.

I'm not choosing not to appreciate you, but i want to say that you don't have to do so much. " i never said you needed to do that" is not meant in a disrespectful way.

Who am i? And do i even like who I am?

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2011-10-27T23:03:00.001+08:00

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my heart won't let you go

2011-10-27T20:32:00.001+08:00

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NEW CRUSH

2011-10-26T12:44:00.003+08:00

COCO ROCHA IS GORGEOUS.

She appeared on ANTM and then i went to ~~stalk~~ google her and omg omg she is beautiful and she's an amazing model appeared on idk how many covers lah. Shiz this watching of ANTM is further bimbo-fying me HAHAHAH

LTC 2011 WAS AMAZING

2011-10-24T22:27:00.002+08:00

IT REALLY WAS(:

Lol idk how to really go abt saying how awesome it was lah i am too disorganised.

I think the details of what I did aren't actually as important as what i took back from it. Made me feel SUPA proud to be an SL and also reaffirmed that I didn't make the wrong decision after all.
I also felt really sentimental and shiz cuz it honestly seems as if LTC 2010 was just yesterday and in a blink of an eye, it has passed so fast.

I think that nothing is more fulfilling than "nurturing the next generation" lolol this makes me sound so old but yeah it really is true! I really hope that I've been a good SF and that my group actually likes me and doesn't just think that I'm a bimbo(THANKS TO SAMAMTHA LEE ANYWAY)

I got to see Treeeeeeesha during ltc^^ Which made me happy after a horrible week. heh.

Report books tomorrow i know what i got but i hate seeing it on paper wth. The thing with disappointment is that is never disappears

HELIODOR LIGHTS UP YOUR WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE

shittiest week of my life

2011-10-21T15:21:00.001+08:00

THANK GOD IT'S OVER. And also i'm looking forward to ltc tomorrow^^ feels pretty surreal, ltc 2010 seemed like it was just a couple of months ago.

When will i ever mean as much to you as you do to me?

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2011-10-19T21:07:00.001+08:00

I am just so depressed

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even the best fall down sometimes, even the stars refuse to shine

2011-10-19T17:58:00.001+08:00

I am afraid of a lot of things. Like certain people, lizards, amphibians, horror movies.

But i realise that what i am most afaid of is to fail. Is of disappointment.

All this time i've been working so hard, studying so much, because i am afraid of disappointment.

Not to disappoint peoplr who care, but of disappointing myself. In other words, my motivation and driving force has been nothing but FEAR.

It does not help when people tell me that my marks were "okay". From their tone i know that if we swapped marks they'd be devastated. But i don't blame them.i feel that way too.

Why the %-@#¢§£did this happen.

Am blogging while at the gym on the cycling machine thing. Air con is not working and i'm literally sweating buckets. But idc, it feels good.

Today was one of the shittiest days ever.

I think of the marks and the numbers appear in my head, but the pain is felt in my heart.

Perhaps you think i'm bloody annoying and melodramatic, but no one will ever get it.

No one.

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2011-10-18T18:11:00.001+08:00

Running out of time where is my runaway love

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?

2011-10-17T21:46:00.001+08:00

Results tomorrow OHMYMAMA.

I'm scared beyond anything omg omg how much more of this can my heart take.

EDIT:
Upon closer examination of the post exam schedule, it has come to my attention that i will be getting back FIVE papers tomorrow. HOW THE %&@*£￦€§ CAN THEY DO THIS WAN ME 2 DIE AH WTH WTH WTH DAMN ANGST RIGHT NOW

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2011-10-17T12:50:00.001+08:00

Results tomorrow OHMYMAMA.

I'm scared beyond anything omg omg how much more of this can my heart take

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please don't leave me

2011-10-13T23:55:00.001+08:00

at first, i thought i'd be okay. especially after all that jazz happened cuz i thought that it would make things easier; after all we were drifting apart.

but right now, after being confronted head on with nothing but the honest, brutal and raw truth i find myself anything but ready to see you go.

escapism has become a defence mechanism used far too often, to the point when the only time i can face my problems/emotions head on is when i find them coming towards me at full speed, when i cannot run any further.

and really, i am not ready. i cannot even begin to picture what it would be like without you. to go to school and not have to subtly avoid you when i'm with my friends(of which i regret very much). i cannot picture just not seeing you around every so often, to look out for you sometimes to at least make sure you looked okay.

And suddenly, as the stress my exams leaves and my mind begins to clear, i think of this. Of the reality of the situation.

Of the past not even two years i've known you and of how much you really meant to me. And i've come to realise that you are so special and more important than i ever thought.

And being struck with the fear of growing further and further apart due to inevitable circumstances, i find myself running and running, trying to escape from smth that has long caught up with me, from the very start.

it frustrates me, how needy i am.

Don't go

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THE END.

2011-10-11T21:25:00.000+08:00

EOYS ARE OVER BABEH. freeeeeeeedom^^ momentarily though, cuz after that it's intense chinese prep:/

I don't want to think about results honestly, something tells me that they're going to leave me very disappointed):

WENT TO WATCH JOHNNY ENGLISH WITH MY PEOPLE TODAY. Except carolyn had to go fish shopping(she's going to kill them i tell you). The movie was really funny! or maybe i just laugh too easily. heh.

feels good not to have school till next week.(:
anw, THANK YOU TREEEEEESHA FOR YOUR SPAZZ PRESENT^^ I LIKE IT A LOT.(:

ok i have nth much to say hahaha ok time for some himym/bones/glee/anything else heh heh heh GOODBYE

What do you do when your good isn't good enough?

2011-10-05T22:50:00.002+08:00

-Rachel bery, glee

Honestly I saw this coming. Honestly I knew that regardless of hoe much I shouted at my reflection and lost y voice studying, it would end the same way. I just don't have what it takes,I suppose.

Idk why she says that well get A1 in the end, because I cannot see how I would be able to jump about 5 grades in a matter of a year.

Maybe I should have listened to my mother. But I tell myself that I'd be in the same situation,because regardless of what I took I still would find it hard. It really really sucks.

SCREW YOU,HUMANITIES.

I'm sexy and I know it

2011-10-04T19:25:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA JUST KIDDING.

HISTORY TOMORROW OMG PLEASE JUST KILL ME ALREADY

Who's gonna save the world tonight

2011-10-02T12:58:00.000+08:00

FINALS START TOMORROW.

HELP ME GOD

Fear

2011-10-01T16:23:00.000+08:00

and apprehension and anxiety and stress and panic x579347194719o3471983.

I don't feel as ready as i'd like to be for EOYs.And i'm starting to get very very very scared. I know i prolly am more prepared than some people, but i just can't shake off the feeling. And it's pretty much consuming me.

SO WHAT IF YOU DON'T DO WELL THIS TIME, BEV.

2011-09-30T23:43:00.001+08:00

Pushing me away

THIS IS GOING TO BE SPEEDY

2011-09-28T21:04:00.000+08:00

wouldn't be on the comp if not for my annoying brother who INSISTS that i help him download songs even though i told him a million times over how to do it and i even showed him ughh plus once i get on the internet i'll be distracted and then i won't be able to finish studying ss tonight): hence this post is going to be SPEEDY once i'm done helping my brother run his errands i will shut down and resume studying i will finish ss today TODAY I HAVE DETERMINATIONNNNNN

ok i apologise for the strange(?) posts i'm not exactly in the right frame of mind cuz i'm attempting to prepare for EOYs and everyone(ok mostly me) expects me to do well aahhhhh so stressful.

+i know i already didn't do too well for english. Still an A, i hope:/

skipped school today to finish the million papers that teacher's gave and to study. It's been relatively productive i guess. And also i really really really hate chem. It used to be ok but now it's just DAMN ANNOYING and boring. How can i study smth which doesn't apply to my life?!?! At least phys/bio can use common sense a bit and relate to real life but really how the hell am i going to know what "white oxide" you speak of?!!?!?!? ok ok this is getting rant-ish heh heh heh how am i going to survive next year sia going to go insaneeeee

*
Why is it that we always use other people's words to express how we feel? Like using certain song lyrics to express how you feel. I mean, shouldn't we be the best judge of ourselves? Why let other people define what we're feeling just beacuse we can relate to their experiences?

Why is it always so hard to find the right words to say? I guess that's why i really admire good authors/songwriters.Because they can put their feelings into words, instead of being stuck and using words such as "BLEHHHHH" or "SHE'S SO WHAT"(hahah primary school).

*
And also:

CAMERON AND DAMIAN FROM THE GLEE PROJECT<33333
they are so adorable i swear

2011-09-25T22:52:00.000+08:00

I wish that i could be a deeper person. Does that even make sense?!
Like, there are some people who seem so cheem and shiz-some people who you can't figure out instantly because it seems like there are layers and layers to their personality, and many backstories that will be left untold.

It has come to my attention that i am way too predictable. There seems to be no depth to my personality, to my character. you just have to know me for a short while to figure out who i am. Am i open, or just too shallow? Am i then not very interesting, since i don't seem to have anything worth hiding from people?

2011-09-25T20:19:00.001+08:00

What we had, we will never have again.

2011-09-22T22:17:00.001+08:00

Where are you when I need you?

16 days to EOYs

2011-09-16T23:45:00.002+08:00

OH GOD SOMEONE HELP ME ALREADY

2011-09-13T22:17:00.002+08:00

Ok fine, that's a gigantic lie. I do care. So so so much. Because somehow I still love you no matter what.

2011-09-13T22:11:00.001+08:00

I have four words for you: I.can't be bothered.

COUNTDOWN TO EOYS: 20 DAYS SHITBALLZZZZZZ

2011-09-12T22:04:00.001+08:00

why is silence so scary?

BALLOOOOOOOONS^^

2011-09-11T22:14:00.000+08:00

Ms Lau looks so pretty(:

Tomorrow is the start of term four. Otherwise the shortest and most stressful term in the year. Well I guess i know what i gotta do- studystudystudy!!!!! And also i have got to stop slacking for chinese. Hasn't really sunk in that I'm taking my Chinese O Levels this year):

And also, today's 9/11. Not that it affected me or anything, but watching all the tributes/documentaries and shiz makes me very sad): RIP everyone who died in that):

some call it science, we call it chemistry

2011-09-10T18:20:00.000+08:00

Random: I HATE CHEMISTRY. It's the most useless and pointless science ever. And it's boring too.BIO ftwww *end of nerd rant*

So today we went to school to take pictures with Ms Lau for her wedding shot! I think it's awfully sweet of her to want to include her students in it:') Plus she ordered BALLOONS for us. I went absolutely crazy cuz i never grow up so i was trying to get the whole "set" of seven colours. My yellow balloon DISAPPEARED): and no one wanted to give me their orange so yeah. I then proceeded to walk to kap with anna and miranda, looking ridiculous. Met my mum @spins at sat there for a while, then we went to do some grocery shopping.

Holiday's over soon, but not like it really matters that much since i've been studying the whole holiday anyway. It's going to be TERM FOUR. waaaaaaaay too fast for my liking:/

*

How are you now?

I imagine you're pretty stressed since you have to take major exams this year. I'd like to think that you're the same person, that you haven't changed-that you're still immature, still sensitive, still athletic. I'd like to think that you still love me. But then again, I'm not the same person who believed it when you told me.

It's funny how after how much i screwed up your life, how much you screwed up mine, that i still remember you. That there are some days where i still wonder what it'd be like if we were older. Like maybe if we'd started out later. I guess i never really loved you for real, but no matter what happens, you'd always be my first.

2011-09-07T22:03:00.000+08:00

I am suddenly feeling very very very scared for EOYs. I don't even know why. I mean, if i told anyone else they'd probably slap me, and say smth along the lines of "you nerd started already i haven't even started what's your problem blah blah blah" but i can't help but feel terrified. Actually i don't even know how to describe the feeling. Stressed? Pressurised? No idea.

All i know, is that it's the same feeling that i had during/after the recent common tests, which i deproved for. So is this a sign that maybe I'm not going to do well for these exams? Or should i stop being so superstitious. What is wrong with me. I'm studying, and i know that I'll make it on time. I just-I feel so anfjkhafkjha.

Sometimes i feel that i'm such an insensitive idiot. I always complain about how i'm not good enough, how i "didn't do well", and i fail to notice that there are people around me who aren't as fortunate as I am, who don't do as well as i do. I mean, i don't mean that in a bragging way but yeah, i'm just plain insensitive sometimes.

And what's the big deal even if i don't do as well this time round? I mean, i always comfort people and tell them that all that matters is that they tried their best but i'm such a hypocrite cuz for me, "doing my best" doesn't really cut it.

I think i need a small break from studying and such. Maybe i should just use the next few days to do the work that i need to finish and then think about studying next. Maybe i should just breathe.

I'd really like for someone to tell me that it's going to be ok and knows that it's going to be okay. A hug would be good too):

Update from Nerd HQ

2011-09-06T16:54:00.000+08:00

Greetings!^^

1.I got new nerd glasses!(:
2.The thing next to me is a cutout of justin<33
3.I know i don't look good in this picture HAHAHAHA

My holiday so far(i typed fat haha) has been extremely boring): It's like some boring routine or smth.Wake up, watch tv, bathe, do work, lunch, tv. work, tv, dinner, work, tv sleep. Yes, i know that i watch too much tv. Masterchef/The voice/Phineas and Ferb/DC cupcakes are the bomb^^ yesterday i happened to flip to Disney channel and saw that "Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure" was on i swear i should star in that movie okay+ EVERYTHING IS PINK AMAZINGGGGGG

FINALS ARE IN 27 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Panicking sia. It sucks to think that after that i'll be.......sec four?! I'm not ready):

I guess there really isn't much going on in my boring life. ohoh except i went to H&M with my mum yesterday, to see what the hype was all about. There's a queue for like everything! To get into the shop, to try clothes, to pay for stuff. Didn't buy anything though, mummy didn't wanna queue up and was kinda bothered by the crowd. I'd definitely tell you to go if you're planning on it, but maybe when the thing dies down cuz the chop is pretty chaotic and clothes are in piles everywhere cuz everyone just dumps things there and such. I saw some pretty nice clothes though^^ and a cute pair of boots too, which i now have an excuse to buy since I'm going to Europe.

Headed to Zara @313 afterwards. heheh there was this supa nice dress but it was like 200 bucks.watnted to go to forever but no time cuz had to pick brother from tuition. Yeah,i guess shopping's the only interesting thing that has happened so far.

Barn's coming back from Phuket today at midnight(: I guess i have to admit that i miss her y u no face and loud voice a little, heh. Also, i thinkt the CRABBA himym "saturday the 17th" thing is off cuz we are nerds and need to study for our exams. Aiyah.

We could have had it all

2011-08-29T17:49:00.003+08:00

I got this off someone's blog(lol don't think i'll mention name)"

"you know how sometimes you meet people you instantly click with?
that feeling is wonderful.

in your mind it's just, why did i not know you earlier?!
where have you been all my life.

and you talk about, just anything under the sun.
you feel comfortable talking about anything, really.

of course you started with one common topic, and you still bring it up from time to time.
but it's different when you dont just talk about one topic.

and the most irrelevant things in your life could happen, but you're just like hey he/she would be interested to know! i would tell the person when i talk to him/her again!

and then the world seems perfect.

but the faster the progress is, the faster the decline is.
always, happens.
reminds me of flowers for algernon actually (pretty amazing story).

and all of a sudden, i dont know how it happens.
you guys stop talking.

idk but for me it's not that i want to stop talking, it's just like. we depleted all the topics.
what a contrast to before."

2011-08-26T22:35:00.000+08:00

The lightning pace that time seems to be passing at is frightening. It brings out my innermost fears and insecurities, it sucks me back into reality when i'm trying to run away.

YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO

2011-08-23T22:34:00.007+08:00

(just cuz that song's playing on the radio now heh)

Overachive

-to perform, especially academically, above the potential indicated by tests of one's mental ability or aptitude.

-to perform better or achieve more than expected, especially by others.

Hi, I'm Bev, and contrary to popular belief, I am not a bimbotic, ditzy, dumb little girl, but I am an overachiever. And up until recently, i've never really noticed that. As in, i knew that sometimes i can be an ultimate nerd, but i guess i never really thought that i was an overachiever. Cuz i always associated those kinda people with the geniuses in my class and shiz. However, upon a closer examination i realise that I am one.( lolol this is vvv boring my lamoo "self-discovery" eh)

I am an overachiever because:

1. Today i whined about getting an A2 for Physics because that would have broken my streak of getting straight A1s for Maths and Sciences since the beginning of the year

2.I am secretly disappointed that i did not get full marks for emath or amath. Actually, scrap "secretly", i was pretty much sitting there sulking-.-

3.The minute we got our exam timetable today, i wrote down all the topics/chapters i needed to study for each subject on post-its, stuck them on the clear holder in my file for each respective subject, and set myself a deadline to finish studying at least once.(Projected to finish about 1-1.5 weeks before the exams)

4. I am going to start studying tomorrow, 40 days from EOYs.

5. In total, i've planned to practice 650 questions for math(not counting practice papers/other daily work and shiz)

6.My aim for the exams? A1 for everything except Humans(cuz that one no hope)

7.And all along, i thought i was normal.-.-

Okay, I apologize if you feel offended by that^. Because i don't mean it in a I'm-better-than-you-suck-on-that-losers kind of way, i swear i don't. It's just that being like that really really sucks. I think that being an overachiever will never ever allow me to be contented. I mean, it's good in the sense that you're always pushing yourself to do better and most times you do do better. But it's bad because you end up living in a "bubble" of sorts. I mean, despite the fact that I'm doing okay, if not better than some people, i still can't help but feel that it isn't up to standard. My standard, that is. Even when teachers write "good!" on my paper(eg amath haha), i still silently think to myself: nope, not good enough.

(I HAVE A PROBLEM GUYS, HELP ME BEFORE I DIE NEXT YEAR CUZ IT'S O LEVELS AAAAHHHHHHH)

I think that what i need to do is strike a balance. Pushing myself and setting high targets is good, but if i don't get what i want, then i don't need to feel so bad about it. If i don't meet my expectations, I have to look at how the cohort performed as a whole and assess how i did from there-in other words, I have to be flexible and shift my targets/expectations accordingly and realistically.

I'm saying all this as a mental reminder to myself as i start studying tomorrow(or at least as i plan to). So that i'll work very hard, but still remember to be content with what i have/get because what matters is that i put in my very best.^^

2011-08-22T22:34:00.000+08:00

I absolutely hate it when:
Teachers put higher marks on your paper and then cancel it to put a lower mark(I GOT FULL MARKS FOR EMATH AT FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!), Hahah i think that's about all the stuff i hate i'm not going to go into angsty ranbling lololol.

Today, me and bern headed to mediacorp to record our voiceover^^ i must admit it is highly lame and i'm really embarrassed by it but i get paid!(: and if you asked me if it was me(that is if you happen to hear it and recognize my voice) i would deny everything. ME AND BERN SOUND SO SIMILAR OMGGGGGGGGG.

After that i headed back to her haus to just stone around(as usual). She then proceeded to fall asleep on the floor, then sleepwalked to her sofa.-.- Dad picked me after that.

I think i could get used to it, going to mediacorp and collecting my pass, then going to high security areas and recording studios to spend the whole day literally, listening to my voice.HAHAHAHAHAHAH ok not really.

Got the EOY schedule): ok well not exactly but barn got it so that means i'm getting it soon. I am going to study so hard i can't even-

ok baibai not like anyone really cares about my little life anyway heh.

Baby you light up the world like nobody else

2011-08-19T12:19:00.003+08:00

OMG I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO AND I'M STILL SLACKING HERE):):):)

i think there comes a point where you give up. Where you stop thinking so much, stop thinking about how things were then and how they are now, stop wondering if you're the only one who feels what you feel, stop second-guessing and stop doubting yourself. To just really, let things happen and turn out the way they should, because you honestly have no control over what happens eventually.

I think i've reached that point.

Hummingbird heartbeat

2011-08-18T22:18:00.000+08:00

I like this song^^

Anywayyyy, It's E learning!!!!!!! Okay fine i didn't do much today heh. I painted my nails a very bimbo colour(: idk if it even counts as a colour cuz it's like SPAKLES.

Woke up at like SEVEN cuz i had to go to ICA with my daddy to go collect my passport. Then we went to Serene Center for breakfast at Macs:D Then went to ACS to wait for sean after his PSLE Oral. ANNEN i went to Bern's house(forced her to wake up earlier hehehehe). We didn't do much, just sat around and ate food and also did some stalking on facebook(pitcher of love lolololol). We also came up with ideas for CRABBA's Video!<-- i'm vvvvv excited about this cuz we haven't done a video in ages and everytime we do one it's just hilarious. Sleeepover after Anmol's partay is cancelled though.):

So on the way to tuition(we were like half an hour late heh) Bern's checking her bb and she gets an email from Mrs Ang asking me and her to do a Radio Advertisement at Mediacorp on Monday. WE GET PAID OMGGGGGGGGGGG. Can't wait, even if the ad's about shinee-.- oh well. our first shot at fame? HAHAHAHAH I KID.

I'm not liking that teachers take advantage of elearning to give us so much to do):< IF YOU DON'T HAVE LESSON ON THURS.FRI=CANNOT GIVE HOMEWORK!!!!!!.

In other words, i've been getting a very adfhkjahfjkad feeling about us lately. I mean, idk how to actually describe it in words. I feel like i should be doing something about it. But then again, you aren't either.

2011-08-17T22:30:00.000+08:00

Word of the day: disappointment.):
1. I screwed up bio even though I studied so much(bloody mangroves)
2.got back AMath which was okay, but I wanted to get higher
3. Other classes for back Chemn and from what i heard I'm most positive that I'm going to fail
4.made careless mistakes for e math):):):
Yeah, i think that's it I guess I set expectations that are waaaaay too high for myself. Which is a problem cuz it means that I feel like I'm not good enough all the time, which is probably untrue and i kinda feel like I'm being insensitive, esp when I'm talking about it in front of other people.

Yeah but I'm not going to whine so much until my results actually come out. And even if i don't do so well I still have eoys(: must remember justin's words: NEVER SAY NEVER<3
So glad that there's an elearning break from thurs-fri. Even if I have loads to do. Looking forward to going on my Indian excursion and also for the persian's birthday party HER PRESENT IS GOING TO BE AS EPIC AS BERN'S CUZ THAT'S HOW CRABBA ROLLS.

Oh and WE're going to be filming a CRABBA video. Be very very excited!:D

2011-08-13T23:15:00.001+08:00

I feel like we're drifting apart. Slowly, until we become complete strangers.

2011-08-07T21:35:00.000+08:00

Wanting to tell someone something but not knowing how to say it.

2011-08-03T22:32:00.000+08:00

ALL THE BEST FOR YOUR PRELIMS BFF^^ ^^

See? Multi-colour just for yiewwwwww.(:

And also Ashley Greene has told me through my intelligence officers on my totally non-imaginary team that she wishes you all the best. So for your benefit i shall include a picture of her face so you will be vvvvvv happy.

HERE YOU GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

omgggg justin would marry me if i was that hot. HAHAHA K SIDETRACKINGGGGG.

heh sorry this post is so spazz i think counting scales on the merlion did this to me.

My Dearest Grandfather in Heaven;

2011-08-01T22:28:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow, the 2nd of August is my Mother's Birthday. And it's also my grandfather's 2nd Death Anniversay. So yeah, this post's for him.

Dear Geez,

I miss the sound of your voice. I miss your touch, the food you used to buy for me. I miss picking you up for church every sunday, i miss helping you top up your phonecard(cuz you never had a plan for some reason). I miss going grocery shopping with you every wednesday morning during the holidays and having to eat lunch insanely early because i had to eat it the moment you bought it for me. I miss being your favoured granddaughter, and being showered with so much love. I honestly could go on and on, because i miss the infinite moments of happiness, frustration, laughter, sadness and possible every single emotion there is that i have spent with you. I miss you.

As your second death anniversary approaches, i've been reacalling the past thirteen years that i have spent with you.

Since the moment i was born, everyone knew that you favoured me. Because i was the only girl. As a baby, you'd carry me all the time, shower me with love and affection. As a little girl, i remember that you'd always buy me all that i wanted.I remember those times where you'd "illegally" take me swimming, those times where i'd just be contented to sit in your lap and watch the world go by. When Sean was born, you taught me to be tolerant. Then, when i started school, you would pick me home every single day. From piano class, from ballet class, from swimming class, everything. Everyday when you picked me, i'd find a plastic bag with chocolate milk sitting on my seat. On other days, we'd go to the gas station so that you could buy me tea.

When i got older, i got very much busier. Tuition came in, and especially when i was in Primary Six. I practically had tuition everyday. But you still never failed to pick me, despite the fact that you were getting older and older. And still, you'd buy me tea all the time. On those rare days when i was home in the afternoon, you'd come and visit. You'd turn the tv on really loud, but i didn't mind and continued to study and do my work amidst the noise. I worked hard, because you promised me that you'd give me $500 for me to spend any way i wanted, provided i get abotve 250 for PSLE.

Sure enough, i did and you kept to your promise. I spent the first hundred bucks going shopping with bern. And then, i entered Secondary School. I wanted to be independant and come home on my own all the time, but you wanted to pick me. Eventually, we came to a compromise but ever so often i'd try to find a way to come home on my own. To gain my independence from you. After all, i felt like i wasn't a little girl anymore and wanted to prove that to you.

Then, April came and you decided to go for your knee surgery. It was risky, expecially with your history of heart attack and stroke, but you went ahead. The result was a successful surgery, and you getting rid of your walking stick. You said that you'd teach me to cycle once you recovered. But then, something else happened. And this entire part till the day that you left, is all a blur to me.

Medical terms being thrown around like nobody's business. Complications that were well-complicated, for lack of a better word. A simple surgery that went horribly wrong, that caused you to suffer for almost a month in the hospital. Scares ranging from your failing kidneys to that fateful call that you had a heart attack, that sent my parents rushing to the hospital at three in the morning. The greatest and most painful irony of all, however, is that you were getting better. Is that the doctors were ready to discharge you, until all of a sudden, and i really mean, sudden, you collapsed. I remember being in the midst of getting ready for tuition, when Sean knocked on my door and told me that we wouldn't be going for tuition anymore, we'd be going to the hospital.

The ICU is scary shit. There are nurses running around everywhere, machines all over the place, syringes and medicine in every corner of the ward. It smells too clean, too cold, too unfeeling. When i saw you, i broke down.I cried and cried and cried.The grandfather that i always knew to be so strong, was suddenly shrivelled up on a hospital bed, tiny in comparison to the machines and tubes that were hooked up to him. You couldn't talk, so you pointed to the alphabet the spell the words you wanted to say to us. You told my father that you'd give him your car. You held me hand tight and looked me in the eyes. No words were needed, because i knew exactly what you wanted to tell me. Then, you grabbed on to my mother's sleeve, and pointed to me. I guess you wanted her to take care of me.

That was the last time i ever saw you.

The next day, you were in a coma already and the only thing that was keeping you alive were the millions of medicines. It was decided that the medicines would be allowed to run, until no more was left. I was not there, for if i had been i fear that i would never have been able to take it. At about 12 noon, my mother called back to say that you had passed on.

I did not know what to think. Or feel. In the days ahead i was caught up in helping with preparations for your wake and your funeral. Despite everything, i managed to go back to school to perform on national day. I fell sick though. When we collected your ashes, i felt so strange. Because all you were then, was a pile of what looked like rocks, stone. Reduced to nothingness.

My grandfather was a man of discipline. He was not one to take any nonsense. He was obsessed with punctuality, and correcting my English. He was an intelligent man who read widely and knew more than i could ever imagine. He was a man who loved me dealrly, and protected me fiercely. He was my grandfather who i loved so very, very much. And after he left, i realised just how much he truly meant to me.

Right now, two years on, the pain has not left. There are nights where i cry so much thinking about you. There are times when i miss you so much it hurts. For you, i have strived to be better in everything that i do, i have promised that i would never make the same mistakes that i had made when you were alive. I don't know where you are right now, but i know that you're definitely in a better place. And i really, really hope that you are proud of the person that I am today and the person that i will develop to be in the future.

Though i always thought that you'd be the one to see me graduate and give me away when i get married, i trust that things always happen for a reason. One that i may not know of now, but one that i will find out for myself later.

I love you, geez. You will live in my heart forever.

2011-07-27T20:09:00.000+08:00

How far i'd be willing to go for you.

This one's for you and me

2011-07-24T13:34:00.001+08:00

Haha ok actually this post is dedicated to my best friend Bernadette Clara Yeo Hui Xin. Better known as Bern/Barn but if you really wanna annoy her i guess you can call her the y u no man, or make fun of her perfectly round face.

She kinda looks like this:

Even though barn is EXTREMELY loud, says the meanest(but most truthful) of things, relates people's faces to animals, eats all my food, wipes her shit on my skirt and insults me all the time, i love her to death:>

Dearest Bern,

I know this post is really late but yeah, better late than never right. I hope that you had an awesome 15th birthday and i'm glad that you liked the multiple surprises that we sprang on you.(:
Kinda hard to believe that we've been friends for almost half of our whole lives. From the moment when i met you in Primary three, i kinda knew we had something in common. Thanks for all the times where you had to put up with my insensetivity(esp when i was younger) and all the nonsense that i gave you. Thanks for always being the one to say sorry or to talk to me first whenever we had a fight. And most importantly, thank you so much for adding to my laughter for these past 6-7 years.From hilarious codenames to our sniggering whenever someone says "cactus juice", to pretending that we were a car at the Mcdonalds Drive thru or being super aunties at Fort Canning, you have never failed to put a smile on my face, no mattter how sad i may be feeling.

And of course, there was ABBA(:

And then C and R decided to come along.

I feel so blessed and lucky to have (CR)ABBA and to have you, and i thank god that he put these wonderful people in my life. These wonderful people who have been more than enough as my source of support, laughter, happiness, who have kept me going all this while(:

Thank you for being there for me whenever i had any problems and for letting me whine to you about things that honestly were not interesting at all. Thanks for just being you, barn. You're an amazing person and let no one tell you otherwise-a talented dancer, singer, public speaker, leader. I'm sure that you'll go far in life one day(:

I guess the rest i've said to you in your letter already. I just want you to know that no matter what happens, you'll have me and i know that i'll have you. I know that we will be bestfriends forever and ever and ever(and ever), till the very end of time<: ILY<33333

xxxxxxx

Bev<3

2011-07-21T21:38:00.001+08:00

haha i realise that i haven't posted about RYC yet!

I'm vvvv lazy to say everything lah, so yeah highlights include:
1.Station masters with bern and sam, our awesome runner Fi and MATHTROTDRAGON^^ ^^
2.Emceeing with Shakee(though very chaotic and shiz)
3.Mrs Ang giving us presents to thank us(:
4.Losing my lanyard=become Mr Seow's Slave-.-
5.Talks that were supposed to be boring but weren't that bad
6.Spazzing around with the train gang+Murali
7.EYE OF THE TIGER dance with bern and sam
8.Falling into a puddle of water and wetting my butt lololol

Other than that, i'm glad te bust period is over^^ Though imma be busy again with National Day stuff around the corner.

Went for amath tuition with barn today. Damn hilarious lah, we were both broke and also tried to get some macs in the drivi thru by pretending to be a car HAHAHAH
Anyway, if you see her tomorrow in school, please please please wish her a happy birthday!!!!!^^ And also keep saying the word "milo"(inside joke lololol)

I'm getting tired of this.

Distance

2011-07-14T22:00:00.002+08:00

That's one word that i've been thinking about recently.

Simply put, distance is a measure of how far something is away from you/someone else.
But then again, that isn't the kind of distance i was thinking about.
I was thinking about distance and how it applies to like, your relationships with people. It's funny how you can be physically far away from someone but still feel so close, and yet there are times when you're so near someone, but you've never felt further from him/her.

Back then, in P6, me and bern used to talk a lot about what the future would be like once everyone in our clique(aka the animals) split up and went to different schools. We were so scared that being in difference schools would cause us to drift apart. I was really scared too, cuz bern was contemplating going to SOTA(which she did get into btw budden rejected thank god). Looking back, i wasn't scared about being away from my friends and thus having really little time to hang out and stuff. I was afraid that i wouldn't mind the distance. That i wouldn't miss them anymore, that it wouldn't bug me that we hadn't talked or met up in the longest time. And that's the kind of distance i've been thinking about.

The kind of distance that can't be solved by more meet-ups, phonecalls, texts and shiz. It's the kind where you've lost someone, even if they're physically right next to you. And that's the kind of distance i hate the most.

I hate the feeling of being so close to someone but yet being so far. I hate the feeling of knowing that things used to be better, i hate the distance between people that never used to exist. Simply put, i don't like drifting away from people.

I'm not quite sure how i can express the feeling on words. I think that i rely on "feeling" too much. But that's how i see things. How i treat people, how i function. I base things and judge things on how i feel. I guess it's pretty dumb, since feelings are the most biased/inaccurate wayt of judging things, but that's what makes things feel real to me. I guess what i'm trying to say is that people may not think or see that i've drifted from someone, and maybe that someone else doesn't think that way, but as long as i feel like i have, than that is reality to me.

When a conversation is strained, when talking to someone gets harder and harder. When conversation topic become more and more superficial. Where i find myself guessing more and more, what's on the other person's mind.

Sure, i think too much like all the time and sometimes certain things may not even be true/exist, but then again, it's all just a feeling.

I don't want to get that feeling with anyone. And especially not with you.

I've got them moves like Jagger

2011-07-10T13:42:00.000+08:00

Haven't updated my blog for a while, heh.

I've been busy with school and RYC so yeah. Yesterday we had the amazing race trial and it was good fun^^ spent most of the time goofing around with bern and sam, and also muralli. Jo couldn't come because she was sick): Our train was incomplete! After the very hot/tiring trial, bern's mum picked bern, sam, darolyn and me up and we had freshness burger, which is this japanese burger or smth it's reaaallllyyy good(: Headed to barn's house where we gossiped(too tired to play dance central hehehehe).Then Sam and Darolyn left, leaving me and barn. I AM SO JEALOUS OF HER PINK HEELS THEY ARE SO PRETTY. Bern said she'd lend them to me if i went for fdd. Budden right, i cannot walk in them cuz they are so high-.- spent a considerable amount of time attempting to walk normally while she just pranced around in them as if it were normal or smth.

The week ahead is looking busy busy busy. Lots of RYC prep left to do, CHINESE O LEVEL ORAL AAAAHHHHH. I am vvvvv scared cuz like i'll get really nervous and my mind'll blank and what if i say stupid stuff?! And i'm also freaked out because it's like, O LEVELS:O:O:O:O

I've been skipping lots of tuition recently. ok not skipping but replacing them on other days. Except learning lab which is v hard to replace. Mother is complaining that i keep wasting her money. And also because i've been kinda sick. Or rather i was. I finish my course of antibiotics today, i think(:

Bev, bern and sam: talking about spazz shiz
Muralli: *butts in* "eh, do i have to kill all the pigs to win?!"
HAHAHAHAHAH

i set fire to the rain

2011-06-26T11:46:00.000+08:00

<3 that song.(:

Right now, i'm trying to finish my physics inquiry at home, do history research and also later i shall print our my script and memorise me lines because i do not want to screw up during performing arts night. Even if i hate the play. Anyway i don't think we'll be performing in the new audi and that sucks cuz IT'S SO PRETTY OMGGGGGGG the stage is like so niceeeee^^

Went to school yesterday to help out in S and T's combined CIP called Heroes as you are(: It was for a group of disabled children, and it was a really great experience<: i was supposed to be a facillitator for the games but Ashley's kid didn't like her HAHAHA so yeah. But i wasn't his "buddy" in the end either cuz this other girl didn't have a buddy. She is adorable:> i'd post a picture but they told us not to heh.

School ofiicially starts tomorrow whooooooo~ i am v annoyed by the fact that 3S is going to be next to all the renovated classrooms which are like x4234y923874 better than ours. We really are Siberia can ):<
OHOHOH and I'm going second for my cheena oral. It's on the 13th of July so everyone WISH ME GOOOOD LUCK!

Schooooooool

2011-06-23T21:12:00.000+08:00

Feels weird to go to school when actually it's still a holiday): anyway quick update on what's been going on in my extremely boring life:
1. SL-Ship thing on monday, which was vvvvv fun.(: Got really dirty and had flour all over my hair but i had loads of fun. And we had pizza for dinner^^
2.Stayed back for the super boring Terrorism talk(which 3S and 3T were VERY extra for) and managed to skip the cip briefing lololol
3.Went for piano budden realised that i didn't have lesson that day-.-
4.Stayed back again on wednesday for our sbc "mun". Basically it was NOTHING like a mun, and the only people who understood what was going on/were intensely debating were all the MUNchkins hahaha. Next year i wanna plan it!
5.ANMOL'S PHONE RANG IN CLASS HAHAHAHAH
6.Went to kap with carrie, then bern met us there. Shared lava cake from island with them and they owe me a lot of money.
7.Amath tuition with bern, where we laughed x6242873468 at mr koh.
8.Slacking at home when i'm supposed to be doing history.

Yeah, that's pretty much been it. Term 3 is gonna be soooo busy for me man. Cheena O level oral, RYC, Performing arts night to name a few. Kinda scared for oral leh, like what if i can't talk cuz i get too scared:O

oh, and i'm really happy that things are okay with bff now.^^ can't imagine life without her.

2011-06-20T21:46:00.001+08:00

"Sincere forgiveness isn't coloured with expectations what the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them."

last day of the holidays):

2011-06-19T11:01:00.001+08:00

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL TOMORROW!):

only thing im looking forward to is seeing my friends(: and ABBA!^^ ^^
i still have yet to do my history assignment thing. bleh idk why im delaying it, cos if i dont do it well i'll confirm plus chop fail next term can.

okay okay enough about my nerd ambitions.

And for all you unfilial children out there, it's Father's Day today!(:(:(:(:
Thank you daddy, for putting up with all my rubbish, paying for my insanely high phone bills, and secretly buying me junk food:D:D

I think you owe me an explanation, regardless of what happens.

2011-06-18T23:33:00.000+08:00

what am i supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

you and i walk a fragile line, i have known it all this time

2011-06-17T15:43:00.000+08:00

It's the last day of the holidays already.):
They passed waaaayy too quickly and i feel like i didn't get much of a break. Like the type where i got to sit around in my house and do nothing, thanks to MUNs. though i don't regret going for them. Done with most of my work, but i'm delaying starting on history which is prolly a bad thing hahah. oh wellll.

This also means the start of my intense tuition again.): and i'm going to be busy next week already even though it's technically still kinda a holiday. got the sl ship thing on mon, terrorism talk(thanks to bern's wonderful sia group)+cip briefing on tues, the stupid sbc "mun" on wed, tuition on thurs, and tuition on fri. AND i still have the 3S-3T CIP carnival thing on sat=skip tuition=replace on some other day.):

And i hae to perform on performing arts night-.- forgot all my lines and i literally threw my script away(hahah angst ttm) so yeah. And im not particularly excited about the change in the cast/crew. All the sec fours are gone now.)':)':

I've also been missing all my RMUN/IMUN council outings. There was supposed to be one today but i didn't go. they were gonna watch Green Lantern and have lunch. oh oh but i managed to catch it last night with my family. RYAN RENOLDS IS VVVVVVVVV HOT.^^ but i think xmen was better though. still haven't gotten around to watching kung fu panda:/

BERN'S COMING BACK FROM JAPAN TOMORROW!(:(:(:(:

OHOHOHOH AND
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEuQU6a90Pc&feature=channel_video_title

JUSTIN<3333333333333333

2011-06-17T00:40:00.003+08:00

i feel like i've lost you already.

NO SHOPPING WTHHHH

2011-06-14T22:34:00.001+08:00

HARRO WORLDDDDDDDD.(:
I didn't go shopping today, sadly.): so bloody jealous of my best friends C in italy/spain, R in america (okay idk what the 2 As are up to lololol) and B who is in japan now.):
nothing's going on in my boring life now, except tuition whopee~~ and the games trial tomorrow hahahah hope it isn't too lame.

One day when the sky is falling, i'll be standing right next to you

2011-06-13T22:16:00.000+08:00

Okay so imun was fun(: on the last day we fininshed debate like 3 hours earlier than expected so basically spend the rest of the time slacking off, camwhoring and playing monopoly deal.(: i didn't play though, was too busy playing around with Daphne's DSLR.(: i'll never have any nice gadgets, thanks to how i always lose/spoil them): Then had parade of nations+priza giving that was so boring nearly fell asleep haha. Dinner and concert was kinda boring too, and it ended at like 830._____.

After going for all those MUNs(okay actually only twice haha) and then coming back to my normal life of being a nerd, it's all boringish.I also have strange urges to say speak in third person and will respond if you call me Brazil/Turkey.

ANYWAY i am not happy that the holidays are gonna end so soon.): and like teachers are funny they give more homework but shorten your holiday BUT want you to hand up homework earlier alamak. oh well, not about to go into those "too much work" rants cos pretty much every student in Singapore does that already lololololol.

TODAY I WENT TO THE ZOO.now before you judge me i went with my cousin who is three okay i don't go there on a regular basis HAHA.But it wasn't that bad either, my cousin's awfully cute:3 Got home and did some work, and baked oatmeal chocolate chip cookies:D:D

Tomorrow i'll be going shopping i hope. the bimbo inside of me is screaming to get her ass to orchard road and spend all of the mudder's money.(: OH I WAS VOTED MOST BIMBO DELEGATE FOR IMUN-.-

~~i feel like there's eomthing missing. that spark, that special feeling, it's gone. i dont know how to explain it, but i definitely know that somethine isn't right.~~

I'M A MUNchkin^^

2011-06-08T21:51:00.000+08:00

So this is what i've been up to since i came back from OBS(for the benefit of all you stalkers out there haha jkjk who actually reads my boring blog):

RMUN 2011
Which was pretty darn fun actually(:
too lazy to elaborate on the details, but day one started off pretty boring cos everyone was being serious x1004236423 about stuff. we didn't pass a reso at all-.- highlights were the awesome food-lunch+tea lolololol. ANNEN on the second day we had CRISIS which was Kim Jong Il dying and shit. stuff lightened up when ecosoc 1 and ecosoc 2 merged for the crisis debate(: everyone wanted to go home and debate on the next issue so we passed all the resos for crisis heh. DAY THREE was fun stuff, finished up the debate and had plenary(which was also pretty boring in my opinion) and summit where some note from China to me was read out EMBARRASSING TTM thank goodness i wasn't there. I was getting ready for the fashion parade(i got sabo-ed) where i wore an alibaba costume, tied my hair in a bun ON TOP of my head and wore a moustache so i got equally embarrassed anyway-.-China aka hwach, UK(ACSI), Germany(Nanyang) and Russia(RI) performed their skits. UK and Russia got scolded for "inappropriate jokes" HAHAHAHA. And Jarret Huang(aka mao) sang the Chinese National Anthem, following which the hwachies stood up and saluted-_________-
DINNER AND DANCE after that. It was not very exciting, the dj just kept playing the same songs over and over again so it got boring after a while. my council decided to play this game where you go to the cerntre of the circle, spin, around, and whoever you land on-you gotta hug that person. Pretty darn awkwardddddddd.
Yeah, so that was rmun^^ def a good experience and made lotsa friends.(: and also lots of scandals ahahaha.

On monday, i headed to btp to hobo around with bffffffffffffff<3 we did pretty much nothing(literally, nothing) and had x64193463287 arguments abt where to go(or rather who should decide where to go) and yeahhh. But it was all good cos we gotta talk quite a bit^^ Too bad bfffff had to leave early.):

then then yesterday was TANYA'S BIRTHDAY PARTY:3
She lives in the east which is like FAR FAR AWAY so i got a lift from chou(: it was pretty fun; we ate so much junk food and also food hahaah.then we went bowling(i got like 50+/300 HAHAHAH) wanted to go karaoke but didn't cos it's like $17 per person expensive ttm, so we went to the arcade(: ANNEN we played with water guns(very mature i know) and got everyone wet. Of course anmol got the wettest cos sanjana took the huge container for refilling the water guns and just poured it on anmol. Then we got hungry(again) so we headed back to the chalet to eat some bbq:D following that was some hth talk about boys and then the eating of cake(: headed back to Anmol's house with her where my mum picked me up.

Today was IMUN. the first half of today was spent doing pretty much nothing honestly. fell asleep during the opening address(which was more like a lecture if you ask me) and aly had to slap me cos my mouth was open and it was all vvvvvv unglam lololol. Then we had an "external talk" but the dude met with a minor accident so he was late:/ after that was LUNCH^^ ^^ it was the best, food was so good.(: After that we had council sessions which were not bad, and i spoke quite a lot cos everyone there was less intimidating(unlike those geniuses at RMUN). Today was also supposed to be my council outing @kbox(wonder how that went) but i couldn't go.):

So that's been what's going on with my holidays. Exciting, yes?^^Pretty busy and shit but yeah, beats staying home and doing nothing. just gotta make sure i finish my work on time(nerd talk hahahah). I miss CRABBA though, its like we're never complete these days.): Thank goodness i've been hanging out with ABBA quite a bit thanks to rmun(:

So jealous that carolyn is in Italy/spain now and that Rachie is going to the States soon. wish i could go somewhere kewl hahaha. AND AND AND i hope the e coli shit gets better in europe if not HOW I GOOOOOO):

I'm tired of guessing.

2011-05-31T22:12:00.000+08:00

you mean the world to me.

I'm on the edge of glory

2011-05-30T17:16:00.000+08:00

Day one of the holidays and i'm already back at school for extra lesson ahahah. After that i hoboed around school for a while with bffffffff<33333

ANYWAY i guess i should post about OBS:D

OBS WAS GREAT FUN FUN FUN FUN(rebecca black hehe) and my group was great too.(: Bern, Aly, Anmol, Sanjana, Adeline, Liz Boey Fang Rong, Flik and Ashley among others.^^

It rained a lot, so in the end we didn't stay in the outdoors but being cool and all we decided we were not going to shower.(except anmol the wuss). cooking was great fun too^^ And kayaking with barn and anmol was pretty funny cos anmol got tired all the time and i stoned out a lot and it was just barn going all Hitler on us.OH OH and jumping from the jetty was the best ever. i screamed "I LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER" before i went down, only to see the lovely picture of selena literally on top of him later.):< hate her x56217456278.

What was not fun however was sleeping in a tent with FIVE other people i pretty much didn't sleep the whole of that night. Although according to barn i was making strange noises so she slapped me but i donch remember anything:O
I STILL FEEL LIKE I'M ROCKING ON A BOAT. UP DOWN UP DOWNNNN. And i got a tan:D but also rash(turns out im allergic to sea water.)

this decision is really, really bugging me. what bugged me more is that sentence, "what is there in your life besides your studies?" I've always proudly admitted that i'm a nerd, but secretly i've always been jealous of people who have stuff other than that. Now that an opportunity presents itself, why am hesitant? It comes down to a matter of self confidence, i think. to me, i'm really not good at anything else and i don't know if i can be. it's like im depriving myself of a chance because of idk what. omgg what is my problem.
I don't know what to do, honestly.

Decisions

2011-05-21T21:43:00.000+08:00

I absolutely hate making difficult decisions.It's the kind of decision where i find myself going "yes i should most definitely do this" for one second and "no it may not be the right thing for me" the next second. And i get this ahgajfhakljs feeling and it just isn't good.

What if?
what if i regret?

in other news, i'm leaving for obs this monday. exciteddd(: and i hope i get a good group haha.

2011-05-19T21:49:00.002+08:00

I forgot that the closer you get to someone, the more it hurts when they go away.

2011-04-26T22:06:00.000+08:00

never say never.

when i say justin you say...

2011-04-20T17:27:00.002+08:00

BIEBER.
OHMYGOD I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I JUST WATCHED JUSTIN BIEBER LIVE IN CONCERT YESTERDAY. HE WAS SO GOOD. HE'S PERFECT, AND OMGGGGGG I JUST CAN'T FIND THE WORDS.

HE IS DA SEXXXXXXXX OMG I WANT TO MARRY HIM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I can't freaking believe it. Wanted to take pictures but i overestimated my level of calm so by the time the conert started i was just jumping and going insaneeeee so no time for pictures. in fact it's all in my head already.^^

IT WAS SO GOOD. I was so near him and i could actually see him in person and not like on my wall or my comp or my phone it's AMAZING.
JUSTIN DREW BIEBER, I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH.

THE WORLD CAN END ALREADY, I'LL DIE HAPPY~~~~~~

2011-04-18T18:32:00.002+08:00

OHMYGOD.
JUSTIN DREW BIEBER IS HERE. IN SINGAPORE. IN MY COUNTRY. HE'S PERFORMING TOMORROW.

SORRY THIS POST IS SO SHORT, I THINK I JUST COLLAPSED FROM EXCITEMENT.

One timee

2011-04-14T22:45:00.000+08:00

I WON THE TICKETS TO JUSTIN BIEBER OMGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH LEARNING LAB. Idk what the seats are but they're Cat A and apparently vv good seats so i'm excited x34961329461837461389476! collecting my tickets on Saturday hehehehe^^

Besides Bieber excitement nothing much has been going on, just lotsa projects and group members who are kinda (no offence) slackkk. Why it is always me doing all the shit.): Oh and also MY 8/25 FOR HISTORY HAHA EPIC FAAAAAAIL. Had my amath and lit test today-manageable i guess.(: But i got so cold in the library during lit! plus got some annoying people making noise while watching some movie in the teacher's resource room.):< Bern joined my amath tuition todaaaaay! Not used to having tuition with her cos i was sure that i'd never pay attention and fail that subject but i guess it went pretty good. PLUS we were like half an hour late and walked in with food hahah.

The term's been flying by-it's week four already(soon to be week five) and CTs are coming up:/ annen OBS! i'm rather excited, i must say.(:

I've been having really mixed emotions of late. I don't know how to descrbe them, but i just know that they're not good feelings. For the past week, talking to you(well i guess for us it's texting) has been so emotionally draining. I try, i really do. To make you happier, make you smile-but it never seems to work. Though most of the time your replies don't exceed 3 sentences, there are so many unspoken words, so many underlying feelings that i'm aware of.
I don't really know where to begin, i don't even know what this is. I can't even find the appropriate words to describe this-all i know, is that i feel suffocated, like i can't breathe.
I feel trapped in our situation, trapped by things that we keep talking about, even though we don't want to-because problems don't go away by ignoring them. I'm trapped by the fact that you're going to leave soon enough, i'm trapped by the fact that we don't hang out enough. I'm trapped by our differences-because even though i'm proud to say that you and I are so different, i'm aware that that in itself has brought about many problems-for me, i'd voice stuff out but for you, you don't. I feel like sometimes i can't take your word as 100% true-because i know that sometimes, you hide the truth or don't tell it completely, because you don't want me to worry.

I feel like you're slipping away, like i'm losing you. I don't want that, i really don't. I love you, and i need you in my life.

you know what the worst part is? This has happened before.

Even the best fall down sometimes;

2011-04-09T09:53:00.000+08:00

hehe sorry that i haven't been updating. anyway it's pretty obvious that i don't update my blog regularly hehehe.

well since the last time i've posted, hella lot has happened.
1.intense SYF trainings(which allowed me to skip class)
2.craziest tuesday ever, where i ran here there and everywhere, sweat so much it got in my eyes(gross x 10) and took 2 tests in a row.(failed history, confirm.)\
3.SYF-woke up at 4am hahahaha
4.CROSS COUNTRY/2.4 RUN+ lunch with sarah chan, barn and anna and then heading to barn's house.
5. SYF results
6.sleeping for 11 hours hahahahaha

so, we got our syf results. what did we get? SILVER.
When i first got our results, i went WHAT THE HELL. Then it slowly started to sink in-disappointment, sadness everything. And i just cried. Called shakee, then ron called me, then bff/faye/kym annen barn. I won't lie, i'm nothing short of disappointed. depressed. broken.

I started to think about the whole process. The auditions in November. The three day "camp" thing in december. The script change. The change in cast. The not-that-great director. The rehearsal till 10pm. The number of hours i've put in, how hard i tried. Those days where i had a ton of homework to do, tests to study for, yet i still stayed back for rehearsal and worked my butt off, the stupid blisters i got from standing on my toes, my fingers all cramping up from holding the sticks, was all this really worth a friggin silver?!

I don't just feel sad for me, i feel sad for every single other person involved in SYF because i know we've all put in so much hard work, some even more than i have.

Faye told me that it isn't my fault, that i acted well or smth. But it doesn't work like that for me. We're one team-win together, lose together. The fact that we've been disappointed points to the fact that our team as a whole did not perform up to standard. And to me, that's my fault.

Bern told me that it wouldn't be important what we got, cos it's the experience that counts. And i guess it's really true. All those people who i've grown so close to, those friendships that i've made that i wouldn't trade for anything in the world? That's worth my hard work, and to me worth waaaaay more than a gwh.

But for now? I'm beyond disappointed. I feel like i've let down everyone who ever had faith in me, everyone who had faith in us and who sacrificed so much for us. Last night, i wasn't as much tired as i was sad, but all i know is i ended up sleeping for damn long and when i woke up i expected to feel better, but now i feel like i'm permanently on the verge of tears. what is this.

Okay, sorry for the rant. I still love you guys so much.(:

2011-03-28T22:43:00.000+08:00

HAAAI FRAANS.(:

currently working on my history sia and getting kinda creeped out by Hitler's face.heh. Damn scared of mrs ng, better do a proper job later she fail me again.(as usual-.-)

Nothing much has been going on really, just normal school and stuff. And drama syf stuffx. kinda hard to believe that it's next thursday:O oh well, gonna commit myself and give my best cos i didn't do that for a while.

IN OTHER NEWS, the english speech compeition is this thursday and i have yet to finalize my speech/memorise it! I'm not even going to bother preparing for impromptu-->kinda defeats the purpose no?(: I'm just hoping i don't screw up or smth, esp since i'm being surrounded by debators-they should take that into account cos debators are vvvv pro!

3SESAMESTREET MADE $1500 FOR ROCs FAIR:D i absolutely love my class.<3333

You have no idea, do you? How much i worry for you, to the point where i can't even function properly.How much i wish you'd see yourself the way i see you.

2011-03-24T22:32:00.000+08:00

When you need someone to talk to or rant to about how shitty your day was, I'll be here.
When you're bursting with happiness, I'll be here.
When you feel like giving up, i'll be there to encourage you.
When you feel like no one cares, i'll be there to prove you wrong.
And when it seems like your whole world is gonna come crashing down on you, I'll be here to hold it up for you.

Hey you,

I know things haven't been great. In fact, they've been terrible for you. I can tell from the first text you send me whether it's been a good/bad day for you.There are times when i chose to ignore it, and at those times i admit that I'm selfish, cos during those times and I don't know what to say to make things better; cos i don't want to end up making you feel worse.

But there are times when i know that i have to step in, times where i know you need me. To be honest i still don't know what to say to you at this point-which is why i'm saying it here.

For every time that you've ever felt like giving up, for every bad day which you have-it pretty much kills me inside. In fact, when i sensed that something was up i couldn't concentrate and ended up re-doing my amath three times, even when im supposedly "good" at it. For every time that you're hurting, it hurts me even more.

I'll admit, being your bff is anything but easy. Bern once mentioned that i'm like the "stable" kind of friend, and in her ultimate nerdiness gave the anlogy that "You're like the noble gas,The rest of us are searching for electrons ." There are times when i wonder why i have to be the one who is always there, always "stable", while the person on the other side of the friendship's always is "unstable."

But i'm never ever going to let this go, or give up on you, or stop being here for you. to simply say i love you isn't really enough, cos it's way more than that. I promise you that no matter how hard things get, no matter how shitty the road ahead is, that you have me to get through it with you. Even though there are many alternative and easier paths i could take, i'd go through all the shit because i would rather be with you than anything else. You mean the world to me.

I love you so much. For putting up with my nonsense-from bieber to my inability to write in one colour, to my extreme ditzyness and bimbotic actions, to my obsession with pink, to my occasional clingyness. I love you because you make me smile, even when you don't try to. I love you because you are you. Because you are special, because no one can ever fill up that spot that you have in my heart.

So hang in there, cos you know that you're never alone.(:

2011-03-22T22:13:00.000+08:00

Who's fault is it?
More importantly, should it be anyone's fault anyway? I try to act like it's nothing to me. Whenever i hear something from my parents about the case or anything i just try to brush it off. But the thought that you could be here, the thought that if someone had made some other decision at some other point of time then maybe you'd be here? it kills me.

Especially since i was such a disappointment during the time before you left me. I wasn't doing well, i was having problems with boyz, and i never listened to you. I recall the very last time i saw you, hooked up to all those tubes, the machines, me having to write the alphabet on a piece of paper just so you could point out the letters and tell me what you wanted to say cos the tubes meant you couldn't talk. I think of helping you call the nurse cos there was too much fluid in your lungs and she had to use a tube to get it all every so often. How it seemed like you were going to be fine, until everything changed drastically.

Have i, or rather did i even do enough? I was your "favourite"-I was spoilt by you. But when was i nice to you? Were you proud of me? I guess, after you left i tried my very hardest at things. I studied a lot harder, and it paid off. I strived to do better in everything that i did, just because i wanted to make you proud, because i was hoping with everything that i had in me that you were watching me, up there somewhere.

i miss you. But you know what? I'm never, ever going to see you again. And what's worse, is knowing that someone could have prevented all of this.

But god had a plan, and if he meant to take you back this way, then i'm just going to have to accept it.

Many, many years after a loved one passes away, people think that his/her loved ones don't feel the pain anymore, that they've come to terms with it. That isn't true-the pain remains forever.

You're pefect just the way you are(:

2011-03-21T21:22:00.001+08:00

" Who says

Who says you’re not perfect

Who says you’re not worth it

Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting

Trust me

That’s the price of beauty

Who says you’re not pretty

Who says you’re not beautiful

Who says"

Would you hold it against me

2011-03-20T22:01:00.000+08:00

hehehe random title.(plus the sam tsui version is sooo much better than the original.)

so i guess THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER.): passed way too fast, but i gues a break's always good.(:
tomorrow doesn't actually count as a school day though, cos im leaving class early to go for syf full dress rehearsal at acjc:O kinda scared actually,seeing how we're really not at that level yet or smth. oh well, at least i'll get to talk to bfffffffff.<3

It's term two already, dammit.): time needs to slow down.
oh oh btw, 29 days till bieber comes. BE VERY EXCITED!

Hey you, never ever ever give up, k? I know you can do this. And i'll be there for you all the way, be it in the form of "monitoring" you, texts, phonecalls, or really whatever you need.<3

because i'm lazy to update my blog.

2011-03-15T15:14:00.000+08:00

hehe, never really got into the "habit" anyway. oh btw, happy holidays everyone.(:
And just like that, term one's over. Though many people've said that it passed really slowly, term one passed pretty quickly for me.

Term one started off for me really well cos i was at all the orintation day/camp stuff.(: Then there was the getting used to work and wtv, which turned out pretty okay i guess. better than i expected anyway. And of course there came the tests, and i guess what's important is that i learnt from my mistakes or smth. I also spent this term with sfy rehearsals which were kinda :S but i think we're getting better? idk.

This term, really, was very different. and filled with changes. I could no longer go for recess with bern and carolyn everyday. I couldn't disturb bern during commons when we were sitting in register order. Thursdays became the day that i looked forward to the most, and phonecalls with barn became well...very valuable i guess.

anyway, went for band(age) on sat with crabba, chou, miranda, aly, melissa, and others. It was okay i guess, more importantly was getting to spend time with my fraans. EXCEPT FOR CERTAIN AWKWARD SITUATIONS.):):):);

yesterday was spent at an insanely long rehearsal from 9-6:O but it was kinda good i guess? hope we get bettter.THEN I WENT TO WATCH I AM NUMBER FOUR.hehehehe diana agron is so prettyyyyy^^
so yeah that's basically it. other than that i really have not much of a life so im going to go and be a good nerd and do my homework.

"we're just so different, no?"

2011-03-07T21:15:00.000+08:00

I LOVE MY BESTFRIEND.<3

2011-03-06T11:28:00.001+08:00

hello world.(:
i am sick nowwww.): sorethroat and cough, i sound baaaad. hope i dont get a fever tomorrow cos i wanna go to skew to see my ss results!

past couple of days have been really busy. stayed in school till 10pm for drama with the ~~scary~~ woman. i guess even though she was really intense she's vvvv good, and i finally see our play going somewhere.(: kinda scary, syf's in like a month.:O

managed to spend some time talking to bfffffffffffffffffff<3 but mostly being needy and clinging on to her arm hehehehehehe.

then sat left house early for aikido+tuition, annen went to uncle's for my cousin's first month partay thing. got home, did work and watched idol. i'm currently doing my research analysis which i have absolutely no idea how to do.

oh and in other exciting news, I AM GOING TO WATCH JUSTIN BIEBER ON THE 19TH OF APRIL BE EXCITED FOR MEEEEEEEEE!

going with barn and fi.(: even though we didnt manage to get good seats im glad we're going anyway. tickets sold out within hours. and and and i am also going to europe.(: provided i get it lah.

imyyyyyyyy):

2011-03-01T21:50:00.000+08:00

I LOVE MY FRIENDS.

every single one of them.
(ps, the rainbow colour's for you.<3)

2011-02-19T23:24:00.000+08:00

CONGRATS ON WINNING YOUR SPEECH COMPETITION BERNNN!<3
Who better, honestly.(:

countdown to common tests: 4 days.

kinda hard to believe that it's like week 8 on monday already?! like where did the time go honestly. But then again i am kinda thankful that i'll get a short break pretty soon.:D though i have drama. speaking of that, i swear that woman not only scares the shit out of me, but makes me wish i broke my foot so i wouldn't have to be in cast anymore.):<

i miss the times when i could turn around and know my best friend was sitting right behind me. i miss the times where recesses with crabba were an everyday affair. i miss bern and carolyn, i miss the way things used to be.

2011-02-16T18:37:00.000+08:00

"WHICH ONE OF YOU GIRLS WANTS TO MAKE OUT WITH ME IN 3D?"

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

hehehehe.(: SHUTUPHATERSSOWHATIFJUSTINDIDNTWINANYGRAMMYSHE'SSTILLHOTTERTHANALLOFYOU.

hello worldddd.(i just realised its kinda stupid to type this cos how many people really read this? as if im popularrrrr heh)

sad to say nothing much has been going on for me! except school and stuff like drama(which i think i made the wrong decision for, i would've loved to just slack around and not do strange animal-related things). common tests are in exactly a week and i haven't done anything yet!): although in my defence there really isn't much to study. since math can't really be studied for, chem's just the revision topics and ss is sbqqqq.(: vvvv scared for history though! if i continue getting 8 for my part (a) seq imma die. as if my part (b) is that good either plzzzzz.:/ AND im scared for physics too. mummy got me this tutor guy who's damn smart :O so i guess he's pretty good and i hope it helpss.

okay done with the nerd talk.

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart."

2011-02-08T16:56:00.000+08:00

" In the book of life, the answer's aren't at the back."

And i thought i'd never have these problems again.

GONG ZEE FA CHAAAI

2011-02-07T14:02:00.000+08:00

HAI WORLD.(:
Happy chinese new yearrr!
AND TOO BAD SUCKAS WHO AREN'T IN MG YOU DON'T GET AN EXTRA HOLIDAY. hehe.

i think cny is when i really get into the festive mood. besides christmas i guess. wore smth completely unrelated to cny to skew on the eve and then headed to btp to eat lunch. flik being all atas wanted to take a cab from the busstop to btp-.- THE PAO PAO CHA PLACE WAS CLOSED.): my lovely friends decided to steal my phone and pretend that they threw it in the bin. obviously i didn't fall for their ploy cos i've been pranked too many times. then flik left and bern was like shit she has your phone! and they called her too. SO I STUPIDLY FELL FOR IT.):<

watched himym, ate and talked with bern anna and carolyn. omg i really miss being in the same class as bern and carolyn.): breaks my heart everytime i think about.:S
had steamboat at granmother's place hehee, and then went for visiting on day one/two/three. had tuition on sat gaaaah.
AND I NEVER GET TO KEEP MY ANG PAO MONEY WHYYYY MUMMY WHY.

so today i was supposed to go to botanic with bern, andrea, anmol, anna and misha but in the end everyone couldnt and my mum got pissed at me for talking to barn til 12ish so she left the house without me. so it was just andrea and barn in her house doing work SUCH NERDS.

did my physics and started on my engligh speech on happiness. lame topic i know, but i really didn't have any idea what to do! and now im kinda stuck so i think i'll continue tmr, maybe i'll get some inspiration by then hopefully.

bio practical test and ss test tmr, and i think im getting the amath quiz/test thing back:O

sometimes i really dont know what to do anymore. i dont see this going anywhere and i feel awful inside, like everything's all twisted up or smth. i expected too much i guess. how could i expect to know you so well? it kinda hurts/sucks i had to find out certain stuff like that and then pretend that i don't know anything. and i want to help you, but how when you dont even want to help yourself? recently i've noticed that our whole friendship thing is waay too unstable. is it my fault?